Nightwish Singer Pops Out Second Child

Posted by Chris Harris on July 31, 2010 in Chicks, New Records, News, Rad

There’s a new addition to the symphonic metal family: a young infant born on Friday to Nightwish frontwoman Anette Olzon and her bassist boyfriend Johan Husgafvel, who slaps his tool for Pain. And pleasure. I’m just assuming. The baby, which seemingly hasn’t been given a proper name yet, is Anette’s second. She has an 8-year-old Read More

Russian Circles Involved In Tour-Killing Accident

Posted by Chris Harris on July 31, 2010 in News, Poop, Tour Dates

At least that’s how things are looking for the progressive instrumental metallers. If they can not get replacement gear and a new van and trailer, that trek they are on with the almighty Boris could be in peril. The band took to Facebook last night to report that their “van and trailer just got destroyed Read More

Goatwhore and Graves Of Valor To Tour

Posted by Chris Harris on July 31, 2010 in News, Rad, Tour Dates

I haven’t a single ill word to speak of New Orleans blackened death metallers Goatwhore. These guys rule and are practitioners of pure metal. They are a band that both elitists and novices alike have embraced. The first time I heard the band’s sadistic thrash sound was back in 2003 when Funeral Dirge for the Read More

Bret Michaels To Give STDs To Miss Universe Contestants

Posted by Chris Harris on July 31, 2010 in News, Pervoscope, Rad

Poison’s Bret Michaels has had one hell of a five years. For starters, VH-1 has found him slutty professional groupies to bang for years…and then paid him for it. Not once but a couple of times. And then they put it on television, making Bret a reality television star and fodder for “The Soup.” He Read More

The Secret: The Best Thing From Italy Since Ufomammut

Posted by Chris Harris on July 30, 2010 in New Records, News, Rad

Southern Lord is one of my favorite labels. They consistently release underground metal other labels wouldn’t fuck with in America. And now, they’ve aligned themselves with Italian metal quartet The Secret. Another band with a name that’s genuinely whack. When I hear The Secret, it reminds me of my ex. She practiced The Secret, the Read More

Yes, There’s A Band Called Bro Jovi

Posted by Chris Harris on July 30, 2010 in Huh?, New Records, News, Shamelessness

And no, its not a cover band comprised of a bunch of shitty metalcore dudes. Despite the name, Bro Jovi is kind of…acceptable. Fueled — seemingly — by Pabst Blue Ribbon, the dude rock collective [Edit: It would remind you of Clutch, crossed with a harder version of CKY, if that makes any fucking sense] Read More

Fear’s Original Bassist Reported Dead

Posted by Chris Harris on July 30, 2010 in News

Yes, I am well aware that Fear are not metal. They’re a punk band I listened to quite a bit in high school, during the punk phase of my life. I don’t care, dude — if you listen to metal, you had to have been down with punk, at some point. Not Green Day or Read More

Nevermore’s Jeff Loomis Working On Second Solo LP

Posted by Chris Harris on July 30, 2010 in New Records, News, Rad

In 2008, when it came time to pick my albums of the year, I kept coming back to Jeff Loomis’ Zero Order Phase. It wasn’t my top pick that year, because a lot of solid metal releases came out in 2008. But it did make my Top Ten. For an instrumental solo album from the Read More

Metal Dudes Team Up For Video Game Tunes

Posted by Chris Harris on July 30, 2010 in Huh?, New Records, News, Pervoscope, Rad

A venerable who’s who of metal and dude rock have assembled to create music for the upcoming racing video game Nail’d. The game will also include songs from the likes of Slipknot, Queens of the Stone Age, and Rise Against. The collaborative tracks were created by Raymond Herrera and Christian Old Wolbers of Arkaea and Read More

Autopsy Returning With New EP

Posted by Chris Harris on July 30, 2010 in New Records, News, Rad

Holy fucking fuck! U.S. gore metal luminaries Autopsy have resurrected themselves and have a new EP coming down the pike. Autopsy have finished recording their first tracks since officially reforming last year, which they’ll release as The Tomb Within with producer Adam Munoz behind the boards. The offering boasts five new songs of gore and Read More