“Zeena: I am 24 and have had one serious relationship. It’s probably because I tell guys upfront that I am saving myself for marriage. When they ask me what that means, I say anything involving the touching of my vajayjay. In this day and age, do you think it is unreasonable to expect a dude to remain monogamous without premarital sex? — Jeannie”
The Bombshell says…
Hmm, I want to be clear here — are you ruling out any foreplay and “research,” so to speak, of the below region, or are you just axing actual sexual intercourse? If you’re talking about the latter, it’s definitely going to be hard to find someone past the age of 12 (sometimes younger!) that won’t be interested in feeling around there — it’s just the natural progression of sexual pleasure! However, I do admire your resolution to save yourself for marriage — it may not be my style but I don’t see anything wrong with it. In a sense, it almost helps to make a relationship clearer because you’re developing the friendship aspects without the clout of a sexually-induced chemical connection.
The basic issue here is a man who truly loves and respects you will not try to make you do something you do not want to do — period. If you have been honest that this was your deal from the get-go and you’re meeting resistance, you may want to either reevaluate why remaining abstinent is so important to you or find another man. In a weird way, I can relate though, as crazy and outspoken as I may be I’m very careful about who I chose to be involved with sexually and you really have to be as a woman; it’s our temple and one of our greatest gifts…abuse of it only leads to self deprecation. Take a second to identify what the act of “sex” really is to you in your relationship. It’s definitely not unreasonable to hold it at such high regard, but it is also a huge part of who we are as human beings, why fall deeper in if it isn’t satisfying for either you or him? Knowing sometimes makes the outcome easier.
“Hey Zeena: This may sound crazy. maybe i am. but do you think its weird that I’m more attracted to my ex because I know she is fucking other men? — Andy”
The Bombshell says…
Not at all. I have found that as humans, no matter how much we may have hated something at one time or can rationalize thought, we want what we cannot have. People become an ex due to a large variety of things, but when they’re gone, we always glorify the great things and forget about the million other reasons we wanted them GONE.
This is particularly hard with people who are “sexual napalm” (John Mayer’s dubious term for Jessica Simpson’s sexual healing) because when the sex is that mind-blowing, you’re apt to take just a little bit more to keep it CUMING. Taking an old object of desire and seeing it desired by others triggers the beast nature of being a human — we don’t want you, but we don’t want you with someone else. Definitely tricky stuff, but at the end of the day most of these feelings are just ego bruises that will go away with time. If you had legit reasons for breaking up, I’d stay away because as sexy as the unattainable is, the reality of dealing with the bullshit aftermath is NEVER appealing.