Dio Musical, Other Events Happening


Believe it or not, someone has decided to write a musical about Ronnie James Dio, the legendary man who left this mortal coil all too soon. But first, there’s some events upcoming from the Ronnie James Dio Stand Up And Shout Cancer Fund, founded in memory of the late Rainbow and Black Sabbath singer. A […]

Skindred Singer Responds To Kim Kardashian Ass Shot


Yesterday, the webernets was all a flutter following the widespread release of artfully-shot nudes, showing off all of dimwitted Kim Kardashian’s only talents. Her tits and that fucking booty, which I’d literally take a bite out off if given the chance. That broad’s rump looks like a delicious flesh-hued Granny smith apple. I love apples. […]

Decrepit Birth Drummer Invents Fart Metal

This dude can rip ass

Wanna hear a dude’s farts over an otherwise fucking rad metal tune? Well, then you’re in the right place. What follows is some gascore, followed by some serious asscore. This video was created by Decrepit Birth drummer Samus Paulicelli. He offers: “I have done it! Here is FART METAL!!! And yes, every fart you hear […]

Sadly, Brony Metal Exists


This is beyond unusual, and musically, it’s fairly fucking weak too. So, bronies are the lowest and creepiest form of human life imaginable, agreed? Well, there’s music for these fucks now. Metal music. “The L-Train proudly presents Moonrise: A Symphonic Metal Opera, based on a story from ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,’” says the […]

Former Misfits Guitarist Dating Arch Enemy’s New Singer


I’m not sure if I should be jealous, impressed or creeped out upon learning Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein — the former Misfits guitarist — is dating Arch Enemy’s new singer, Alissa White-Gluz. I mean, I was hoping Alissa and I could get something going, but then I was kind of blown away someone like Doyle […]

Godsmack To Rape Ears This August

Sully's short

The other day, I was in a bar, and fucking some old Godsmack tune came on the jukebox, and I turned to my friend and said, “This is literally ear rape.” I was forced to listen to that awful, formulaic horseshit if I wanted to continue drinking my beer. I had to use extra Q-Tips […]

Bill For All Stars Tour Announced


And guess what? You’re probably not going to go. Unless of course your girlfriend or little brother makes you squire them about town for an evening of mediocre musicianship. The fourth annual installment of the summer tour known as the All Stars Tour will feature I See Stars as the headliners. They’ll be joined by […]

Cannibal Corpse Playing 15th Annual Gathering Of The Juggalos

Cannibal Corpse

Say it ain’t so, Cannibal Corpse? Shocked, am I, that you would dare associate thyselves with the likes of those ignorant-ass Juggalos. Shocked. But I’m guessing the payday was too good to pass up? Yes, it’s that time of year again. Time to sit, watch, and make fun of the annual Gathering of the Juggalos […]

Five Finger Death Punch Guitarist: Egotistical Idiot

Zoltan Bathory

Zoltan Bathory is a complete fucking dope. Some of the shit that comes out of that mouth…you have to wonder if he ever actually thinks about the things he says, or if he just fucking says them. The Five Fisted Fart Box guitarist was speaking to Metal Hammer, and said the success of bands like […]

I, Too, Have A Serious Problem With This

Not cool

I was on a metal forum this afternoon, reading about metal stuff, and someone posted a link to Urban Outfitters. They said of the link: “I have a serious problem with this.” I clicked on the link, only to see the hat pictured in this post, on sale for $9.99. What. The. FUCK? How is […]