Decrepit Birth Drummer Invents Fart Metal

This dude can rip ass

Wanna hear a dude’s farts over an otherwise fucking rad metal tune? Well, then you’re in the right place. What follows is some gascore, followed by some serious asscore. This video was created by Decrepit Birth drummer Samus Paulicelli. He offers: “I have done it! Here is FART METAL!!! And yes, every fart you hear […]

Sadly, Brony Metal Exists

Ewww...

This is beyond unusual, and musically, it’s fairly fucking weak too. So, bronies are the lowest and creepiest form of human life imaginable, agreed? Well, there’s music for these fucks now. Metal music. “The L-Train proudly presents Moonrise: A Symphonic Metal Opera, based on a story from ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,’” says the […]

Former Misfits Guitarist Dating Arch Enemy’s New Singer

Doyle

I’m not sure if I should be jealous, impressed or creeped out upon learning Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein — the former Misfits guitarist — is dating Arch Enemy’s new singer, Alissa White-Gluz. I mean, I was hoping Alissa and I could get something going, but then I was kind of blown away someone like Doyle […]

Godsmack To Rape Ears This August

Sully's short

The other day, I was in a bar, and fucking some old Godsmack tune came on the jukebox, and I turned to my friend and said, “This is literally ear rape.” I was forced to listen to that awful, formulaic horseshit if I wanted to continue drinking my beer. I had to use extra Q-Tips […]

Bill For All Stars Tour Announced

Gross

And guess what? You’re probably not going to go. Unless of course your girlfriend or little brother makes you squire them about town for an evening of mediocre musicianship. The fourth annual installment of the summer tour known as the All Stars Tour will feature I See Stars as the headliners. They’ll be joined by […]

Cannibal Corpse Playing 15th Annual Gathering Of The Juggalos

Cannibal Corpse

Say it ain’t so, Cannibal Corpse? Shocked, am I, that you would dare associate thyselves with the likes of those ignorant-ass Juggalos. Shocked. But I’m guessing the payday was too good to pass up? Yes, it’s that time of year again. Time to sit, watch, and make fun of the annual Gathering of the Juggalos […]

Five Finger Death Punch Guitarist: Egotistical Idiot

Zoltan Bathory

Zoltan Bathory is a complete fucking dope. Some of the shit that comes out of that mouth…you have to wonder if he ever actually thinks about the things he says, or if he just fucking says them. The Five Fisted Fart Box guitarist was speaking to Metal Hammer, and said the success of bands like […]

I, Too, Have A Serious Problem With This

Not cool

I was on a metal forum this afternoon, reading about metal stuff, and someone posted a link to Urban Outfitters. They said of the link: “I have a serious problem with this.” I clicked on the link, only to see the hat pictured in this post, on sale for $9.99. What. The. FUCK? How is […]

And Now, Here’s A Nude Picture Of Jill Janus From Huntress Barfing Into A Toilet

huntressfoodpoisoning

That’s gotta fulfill someone’s fetish right? “Nothing gives me a chubby quicker than when a chick with a shitty boob job gets naked but keeps her socks on, and pukes in Germany.” I can see someone being into that. More so than I can see what revved Ian Watkins’ engine. So, Jill Janus of Huntress […]

Ian Watkins Court Transcripts Paint Graphic Picture Of Three Sick, Twisted Fucks

Ian Watkins, at the height of his perversion

Ian Watkins, former frontman for the now defunct band Lostprophets, is, in fact, a sick and twisted fuck, as are the two mothers he was arrested with — women who basically betrayed their children, abused them and permitting Watkins to abuse them. The transcripts from today’s court hearing’s graphic, and paints a disgusting picture of […]