Papa Roach Name New Album

Papa Roach

Papa Roach, today’s answer to glam rock, has a new album coming out and I bet you can’t wait to not pick it up. Consider this a warning, folks. Poop is imminent. The California band’s new one will be called F.E.A.R. (Face Everything And Rise). The band’s eighth album is due out in early 2015 […]

Avenged Sevenfold Headlining Mayhem Festival

Avenged Sevenfold

You have known for week’s what the lineup would be. Now, it officially sucks shit. The lineup for the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival has been announced, and as expected, features the following bands: Avenged Sevenfold Korn Asking Alexandria Trivium Cannibal Corpse Suicide Silence Miss May I Mushroomhead Emmure Texas Hippie Coalition Veil Of Maya […]

Chelsea Grin To Release Ashes To Ashes

Chelsea Grin

This band is deadly to its listeners — a science fact. Another fact: Chelsea Grin have taken the name of a Faith No More gem and tarnished it by using it for the title of their next release. Ashes To Ashes is the name of the next Chelsea Grin. The band entered the studio last […]

Emmure To Begin Tracking New Album


We have time to try and stop this from happening, people. If you join with me, we can maybe get the city’s zoning commission to close down the recording studio, or something. Or someone could infiltrate the Emmure camp, and burn the demos. We’ve got just under a month to do something — ANYTHING — […]

Impending Doom Release Trailer For Impending Poop

Impending Doom

I really am a mental midget with the comedic sensibilities of a toddler. Poo. See? It’s funny. Are Impending Doom poo? I’d say so. But you may dig ‘em, and…that’s OK. Soon, you will move on from Impending Doom to discover the folly of your ways. Until then, head to the end of this post […]

Korn To Tour With Asking Alexandria

Asking Alexandria

It’s happening this fall, and I will not be going. Why? Korn are fucking false bullshit, and showed their true colors on that last hip-hop record. And Asking Alexandria are hooligans with absolutely no talent, beyond combing their hair like Peppermint Patty These two miserable forces, together on the same bill? Maybe it is a […]

Asking Alexandria’s New One To Boast Cameo From Former Killswitch Engage Singer

Asking Alexandria

I guess that’s what happens when you leave a band as awesome as Killswitch Engage, for reasons not totally clear…you end up accepting guest spots on the albums of bands about as valuable as boar piss. Although, I hear boar piss is quite pricey in Nigeria. Asking Alexandria have released a trailer for their new […]

Attila Singer Thinks His Useless Band Is Metal

A metal band

Yeah…and I’m a neurosurgeon who sidelines as a molecular engineer. If Attila is metal, guess what kids? I am no longer a fan of metal. The band’s flamboyant frontman, Chris Fronzak, said that Attila’s new album About That Life (in stores now, not that YOU care) is a “metal record.” I have not heard it, […]

Five Finger Death Punch Side Projects Coming

Five Finger Death Punch

That’s just what we fucking need. After the impending release of Five Finger Death Punch’s double album and the touring cycle that’ll come with it, the members of the band will take some time away from each other (a lá Disturbed) and will embark on side projects. As if Fish Fisted Poop Munch isn’t bad […]

Butcher Babies Releasing Album In July

The two chicks from The Butcher Babies

The Butcher Babies are despicable. Honestly. The fact that they’ve got a record deal and so many other bands with actual talent don’t is felonious. And the reason they have a deal with Century Media? The four, sweat-drenched mounds of succulent flesh on the the female singers’ torsos. Tits are the reason why this band […]