Slayer Releasing New Track On Record Store Day


A fresh tune from Slayer (or what passes for Slayer these days) will debut on April 18, which is also known as Record Store Day. Slayer’s label Nuclear Blast revealed plans for the song’s release today. The song is called “When The Stillness Comes,” and I am sure we are all gonna fucking love it. […]

Eluveitie Lose Piper


Swiss folk metal outfit Eluveitie has parted ways with bagpiper Patrick “Päde” Kistler. Surely, this is the worst thing that’s ever happened in metal. The group has issued the following statement: “With a heavy heart we have to share with you the news that Päde is no longer a part of Eluveitie. After six years […]

Five Things As Brutally Heavy As Babymetal


A while ago, I threw in my 2,000 cents on the phenomenon catching the metal and j-pop world by storm: Babymetal. The response was really helpful in my seeing the truth about metal. I used to be a geeky, hair-splitting metal elitist according to the UltimateGuitar. Reading the comments section of Babymetal articles we’ve posted […]

Manowar Postpone November Tour Dates


That sucks. Good thing I wasn’t planning on taking my girlfriend, who I likely would have embarrassed, seeing as I was not planning on rocking a leather cod-piece to the show I wasn’t going to attend. The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, New Jersey, the state I live in, revealed that Manowar had announced its return […]

White Wizzard Provide Profound Social Commentary

White Wizzard

I have never been a fan of the band White Wizzard, and ultimately, I feel like no one actually cares about them. They don’t count. Because they’re fucking garbage. But when musicians post embarrassing statements on Facebook they end up later pulling down, I have to point that shit out, giving that comment a permanent […]

John Moyer’s A Super Considerate Dude

Adrenaline Mob

Disturbed bassist John Moyer is probably a dick. I say this only because he did something super dicky today. He announced he will be sitting out Adrenaline Mob’s upcoming tour through Facebook. He did not deem it necessary to first tell anyone in his fucking band about his decision. Dicky move. Says John: “Thanks to […]

Babymetal To Open For Lady Gaga


That’s right, folks. That band Babymetal — three little Japanese chicks who mix schoolgirl J-pop with death metal — will support pop superstar Lady Gaga on five shows in the U.S. Finally, a first chance for all American metalheads to see Babymetal in the flesh. In addition to the Gaga gigs, Babymetal will also play […]

King 810 Flaunt Recent Arrests

Sheeeeeeet, ninja

Like a 14-year-old running through a summer camp with the bra he managed to talk off a chick, King 810 have posted a picture online, basically verifying the arrests of singer David Gunn and bassist Eugene Gill. They must be so proud. Both goons were charged last week in the 2013 critical beating of a […]

Megadeth Working On Next Album


That’s right, people. Megadeth’s drummer Shawn Drover revealed online he was in the studio this week with the band’s leader, Dave Mustaine, working on some demo material for the band’s next album. I am sure it will be just as good as that last album was. Says Drover: “[I] spent this week in the studio […]

9-Year-Old Girl Into Five Finger Death Punch Destined To Be Future Leader

Fine Fecal Bagel Brunch

Five Finger Death Punch are the worst band ever. This has been well-established by my site and others. The band panders to the lowest common denominator, and if you’re a fan of their music, chances are you also think your cousins are hella sexy. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. Go here if you […]