Archive for May, 2012

May 18
Hatebreed's Jamey Jasta

Hatebreed To Release Progressive Concept Record

Posted by Chris Harris on May 18, 2012 in News, Sarcasm

I’m just kidding. Hatebreed will do no such thing, folks. Instead, Hatebreed will continue doing what only they can: Be Hatebreed. The band has been writing material in recent weeks for their next studio set. Now comes word that Hatebreed are nearly finished with the pre-studio preparations that go into such a massive undertaking.

Apr 11
Septicflesh

Septicflesh Sign With Prosthetic Records

Posted by Chris Harris on April 11, 2012 in News, Sarcasm

Prosthetic Records has announced the signing of Greek symphonic death metal quartet Septicflesh. This is kind of rad. You know what’s awesome about Prosthetic Records? They always respond to emails. They’re fucking totally awesome like that. “We are very excited to have signed a new North American deal with Prosthetic Records,” says Septicflesh in a Read More

Apr 5
P.O.D.

P.O.D. Offering Free Download Of Track With Jasta

Posted by Chris Harris on April 5, 2012 in New Records, News, Sarcasm

So, raise your hands if you wanna download some free P.O.D. No, not S.O.D.; P.O.D., the “so alive” guys. P.O.D. are giving away a song for free called “Eyez.” If it’s free, you know it must be good. I can’t bring myself to listen to it yet. The song boasts a cameo from Hatebreed’s Jamey Read More

Feb 18
Will you buy this?

Slash Names Second Solo LP

Posted by Chris Harris on February 18, 2012 in New Records, News, Sarcasm

Slash is hilarious, people. Hill. Air. Ee. Us. The iconic, Grammy-winning rock guitarist and songwriter is in a Los Angeles recording studio, polishing the gems he’s tracked for his forthcoming second solo album. Apocalyptic Love is due out May 22 on Slash’s own label, Dik Hayd International. That’s why Slash is hilarious. Dik Hayd — Read More

Feb 3
Metallica

Metallica To Break Up? Big Announcement Set For Tuesday

Posted by Chris Harris on February 3, 2012 in Huh?, News, Sarcasm

On Tuesday, Metallica will be making a special announcement at 11 a.m., West Coast time. That’s the West Coast of the United States. There is no official word on what this special announcement is yet, but my sources tell me the band will announce its break-up. My source? I just interviewed this homeless chap who Read More

Jan 11
Alice In Chains

Jerry Cantrell Talks New Alice In Chains LP, Shoulder Surgery

Posted by Chris Harris on January 11, 2012 in In the Studio, News, Sarcasm

Yes sir. It’s real fucking engaging shit, folks. I mean…get ready to be fucking excited. RollingStone.com recently spoke with Jerry Cantrell of Alice In Chains about the impending follow-up to 2009‘s incredible Black Gives Way to Blue. We have known since July that they’ve been working on new shit. Welcome to the party, pal! If Read More

Dec 28
I smell sarcasm

Trivium Frontman Is Definitely Living The High Life

Posted by Chris Harris on December 28, 2011 in News, Sarcasm

Man, it must be rad being Matt Heafy. To be the guitarist in a big time metal band, with thousands of fans and all that fame…and that ability to both mimic James Hetfield’s vocals while somehow crouching AND playing guitar. But apparently, being the frontman for Trivium doesn’t always pay. I’m sure it pays. But Read More

Dec 16
She thinks Dokken is when you park a boat

Dokken Members Form New Band Tooth And Nail

Posted by Chris Harris on December 16, 2011 in News, Sarcasm

So, I don’t know about you, but when I think Tooth and Nail and music, I already associate that term with the label, Tooth & Nail. Not sure, then, why George Lynch and Mick Brown of Dokken would start something new, and give it that name. Tooth and Nail — which also features former Dokken Read More

Dec 15
They like ADTR

A Band Is Suing Victory Records? You Don’t Say

Posted by Chris Harris on December 15, 2011 in News, Sarcasm

This is not the first time nor the last time this will happen, am I right? Legal documents show that A Day To Remember filed a lawsuit against their label Victory Records on May 31st, 2011. The suit alleges breach of contract, disputed ownership of the band’s copyrighted works, money being owed and more. You Read More

Nov 21
DevilDriver's holiday bundle

DevilDriver Christmas Ornament Now Available

Posted by Chris Harris on November 21, 2011 in News, Sarcasm, Shamelessness

You know, that festive and commercialistic time of year is creeping up fast, and really, when I think of the reason behind the season, naturally, I think of DevilDriver. Nothing will tell the relatives — and anyone who visits your home during this holiday — that you’re a douche bag more than a DevilDriver Christmas Read More