Warrant Kick Jani While He’s Down

Posted by Chris Harris on July 22, 2010 in News, Sarcasm

Warrant is pissed the fuck off. The recent arrest, conviction, and sentencing of former frontman Jani Lane has brought much embarrassment to the much-respected, much-revered, highly-influential 1980s two-hit-wonders Warrant. You see, Warrant are still active. Read that again — Warrant are still an active band. Oh, and they want you to know Lane is no Read More

Gwar, Suffocation, Nevermore Booked For Rock & Shock

Posted by Chris Harris on July 20, 2010 in Huh?, News, Sarcasm, Tour Dates

Sign me the fuck up for this! Something called “Rock and Shock” is going down this fall in Massachusetts and dude, William Katt from “Carrie” will be there! “Last House on the Left” star David Hess will also be on hand, as will Terrence Zdunich from “Repo! The Genetic Opera.” Holy fucking fuck, Batman. That’s Read More

Obscura Returning With New Album

Posted by Chris Harris on July 19, 2010 in New Records, News, Rad, Sarcasm

Awesome Polish progressive death metallers Obscura have entered a recording studio in Germany to start the recording of its next LP, which should drop in early 2011 through Relapse Records. I’m psyched for this because Obscura really have a unique sound, which is hard to accomplish in death metal. And I’m just into the more Read More

Angels Of Babylon: Old Guys In Leather

Posted by Chris Harris on July 16, 2010 in Huh?, New Records, News, Sarcasm

I don’t know where this line came from, but it was on Blabbermouth this morning. It sounds like it could have come from a press release, but at the same time, it comes across as too cocky to be in a press release. Then again, I don’t think Blabbermouth would get this editorial or this Read More

Korn Not Recession-Proof After All?

Posted by Chris Harris on July 14, 2010 in Huh?, News, Sarcasm

The Blabbermouth headline says it all: “‘Remember Who You Are’ First-Week Sales Projected To Be Half Those Of Untitled Album.” Korn’s new record, the band’s first for Roadrunner Records, hasn’t lived up to expectations. Blabbermouth, sourcing industry web site Hits Daily Double, reports that Korn’s latest LP, Korn III – Remember Who You Are, sold Read More

Bret Not Engaged; Women By The Thousands Relieved

Posted by Chris Harris on July 14, 2010 in Corrections, Huh?, News, Sarcasm, Shamelessness

I had a feeling that Star Magazine exclusive about Poison frontman Bret Michaels popping the question to longtime cum receptacle Kristi Lynn Gibson was bullshit. I happen to know how things work over there…hence my speculation at the report yesterday, which I first read about on Blabbermouth. Today, PopEater brings us a report that calls Read More

Vinnie Paul’s Just Joking Around

Posted by Chris Harris on July 14, 2010 in Huh?, News, Sarcasm

You know what would be hilarious? If one of metal’s most revered drummers just sold weird personal items on eBay. Seriously, how fucking funny would that be? Yeah, well, apparently, that’s why former Pantera/Damageplan kitman Vinnie Paul Abbott sold an oven and his first cell phone on the auction site. In a new interview with Read More