Testament Selling Shares Of Song

Testament

Testament have turned up the shamelessness notch a smidgen. The thrash act was somehow convinced by its management that it was a good idea to attempt to sell worthless, useless “ownership” shares of their 2012 song “Native Blood,” entitling each shareholder to little more than lame “bragging rights.” “Guess what? I wasted money on nothing. […]

The Acacia Strain Release Unsettling Christmas Sweater

Brilliant

OK, so…I’m going to have a “Get off my fucking lawn” moment for a minute. Forgive me in advance for sounding like an elderly curmudgeon. I’m no fan of the metal-themed Christmas sweater trend that some idiotic band started just a couple of years back. I mean, I guess if you get off on being […]

“The Osbournes” To Return For Eight Episodes

Sharon Osbourne

Fuck me. Because there’s literally no offer Sharon Osbourne will turn down so long as the price is right, there will likely be another season of “The Osbournes” next year. The MTV reality show was a bona fide hit back in the day, but that was a long time ago. The show ended in 2005, […]

System Of A Down Bassist Starts Jewelry Line

Items from Shavo's line

That’s fucking metal, man. Now the world has someone to replace Joan Rivers. At least in the “selling cheaply-fabricated jewelry” kind of way. Yes, folks — System Of A Down bassist Shavo Odadjian will be launching his own Sinister Soul jewelry line on September 27. Odadjian will also be soon kick off a new radio […]

Gwar Putting Their Name On Every Kind Of Product Imaginable

Despicable

Gwar’s really pushing it. The band’s been slapping its name and logo on everything and anything as of late, and Gwar’s shamelessness is reaching epic new heights. Now, there’s Gwar cigars. Or Cigwars. Give me a break, man. Kiss is starting to get jealous of how many products Gwar’s got for sale. What’s next, Gwar […]

Rob Zombie Wants You Funding His Next Movie

Rob Zombie

OK, now, I can sort of understand little baby bands crowdfunding their demos and shit like that. But Rob Zombie is a fucking wealthy motherfucker. What’s he gotta crowdfund for? He just sold his mansion in Connecticut for a couple of bills. What the hell, man? Dude’s got loot. If he wants to make a […]

Gwar Fluids Are Here Too Soon

Hmmm

Dave Brockie’s been dead less than a month, and already, there’s a new Gwar product out on the market for you to spend your dollars on. The band teamed with Mount Baker Vapor to create Gwar Fluids. “The most delicious E-liquids in the entire universe,” says a presser. “The Gwar Fluids will be available for […]

Metallica’s Drummer Tapped To Sell Booze To Danes

Lars' booze ad

That’s right, folks. Diminutive drummer Lars Ulrich is lending his likeness to a pair of Danish ad campaigns, designed to sell Carlsberg and Gammel Dansk. The Metallica drummer was chosen by Carlsberg to design a bottle for the company’s “Stand Out Collection.” Carlsberg created a six-minute marketing video with Ulrich in San Francisco and that […]

Soilwork Frontman Will Sing For Food

Bjorn

This is kind of unusual. I received a press release the other day about Soilwork lead singer Bjorn Strid. Strid, who “has become a pioneer in the melodic death metal genre with intense and powerful vocals,” is now available for hire.  Want a big name guest on your album? Call Bjorn. Need him to sing […]

Sleep Selling Pillowcases

I want

It’s true. And kind of hilarious. Sleep have produced their own pillowcases, emblazoned with their logo and everything. 
“Yes, it was inevitable,” says the band of the 100-percent cotton, 300 threads per inch, hotel quality pillowcases. The logos are “printed with water-based inks for softness. These will be for sale in limited quantities at our […]