Chad On Film: Don’t See “Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark”

Chad On Film

All I am going to say is thank whatever god it is you send your tithings to for Chad Ackerman of Chapter 14. He sees bad movies so the rest of us don’t have to.

I want to apologize for using my time to write a review about this movie, but it is intended to warn you not to see it.

“Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark” is a horror flick directed by Troy Nixey and written by one of my favorites, Guillermo del Toro. I love the visual effects that Guillermo is known for. I loved “Pan’s Labyrinth” and the “Hellboy” movies that Guillermo has directed, but I am no fan of his work with “Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark.”

I am going to have to give him two thumbs down, and a frown for writing “D.B.A.O.T.D.” The acting done by Bailee Madison was atrocious. Madison was cast as Sally, the daughter of a rich architect (Guy Pearce). I would laugh out loud sometimes in the theater as though she was tickling me with her awful acting.

Probably the worst dialogue and delivery that I have seen since Scarlett Johansson in “Iron Man 2.” I do not really want to sound mean or rude to a little girl, but if Hollywood was an island, they should vote her off.

Guy Pearce is cast as Sally’s father, an architect who is dating Kim (Katie Holmes). Pearce’s acting was fine, but for some reason he was as buff as Batman. Don’t get me wrong, he looked great — but an architect built like a superhero? I am hoping that he was just in “D.B.A.O.T.D.” for the paycheck while filming a sweet new action film or something.

What made things even more unfortunate was Katie Holmes’ performance. Holmes plays an interior designer helping Pearce’s character work on the house. It was like Bailee Madison went into a time machine, zapped 21 years into the future, and acted all of Holmes’ scenes for her.

There was no chemistry between and around anyone in the movie. I will give one positive about the movie — the monsters/creatures that lived in the basement of the house.  Throughout the whole movie, the little creatures come in and out of the darkness to try and steal/kidnap Sally.

They looked and sounded great to me, and their dialogue was pretty awesome. If you can imagine a tiny man mixed with a hairless mole rat, that is kind of what the monsters resembled. James Humphries (“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts 1 & 2”) was the main animator for “D.B.A.O.T.D.” I think that he did a great job with the “Deathly Hallows” and again in this movie.

In Guillermo del Toro’s “Hellboy II,” he also had little monsters called Tooth Fairies that would try to eat everything in sight. I think that their main choice of food was children’s teeth, and this was exactly the same in “D.B.A.O.T.D.” I am guessing other Torro fans that have seen “D.B.A.O.T.D.” picked up on the same thing. I think Guillermo loves to have monsters eating kids teeth.

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About Chad Ackerman

Chad Ackerman is one half of Chapter 14, who have an EP called Like Trees In November in stores now. Chad is also the former frontman for Destroy The Runner and has worked with Austrian Death Machine.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002263433424 Luke Chaston

    Chad, are you just reviewing the bad films in modern cinema or are you willing to see any bad film?

  • Guest 1

    Hi there Chad… 
    Just a small correction: James Humphries was not the main animator on Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark- he was part of the Iloura team. We had several people working on this film. Cheers!