Nickelback Frontman To Marry Avril Lavigne

Avril Lavigne

What the fuck, man?

How in the hell did this happen?

I know they’re both Canadian, but…Chad Kroeger is the single cheesiest man on the planet.

This, I can tell you from experience. He’s a cheese ball who exudes everything you hate about the rock star aesthete.

Conversely, Avril Lavigne’s a hot little piece of ass with horrible taste in men. She’s also ten years his junior. Fucking bastard.

Finally, we have clear proof there is no God. The couple — who have been together since February, when they co-wrote a song for her forthcoming album — are to be wed.

Yes, Avril and Chad are engaged, according to reports. I’d say congrats, but it’ll last two years, tops. And I’m not happy for them.

It will be Kroeger’s first trip down the aisle, and the second marriage for Lavigne, who split from Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley in 2009 and then spent a while boning that himbo Brody Jenner.

This is just so wrong. Chad Kroeger does not deserve ass that fine. No way. I mean, she’s annoying and her face is kind of busted. But that body is banging, dude.

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About Chris Harris

Chris Harris is an internationally-published music journalist and writer whose work has appeared on the pages of Rolling Stone, IFC, Revolver, Alternative Press, and Radar. The former news editor for Noisecreep, Harris also served as co-host for the site’s weekly podcast, “Creep Show." Before that, he spent four years writing for MTV News.

  • Marchosias

    There is only one nice thing that you can say about Chad Kroeger…at least he knows he sucks. There’s a video to back it up.

  • mem

    Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  • Stormy

    its a marriage made in radio cheese hell.. and I see nothing that excuses her awful choice of songs and lyrics in order to be a radio sensation.. Being hot doesn’t make her less guilty of crimes against music than Chad is. Catch my drift? In fact at least his voice doesn’t sound like a broken bottle grinding into my ears.. I’m not faulting you for saying she’s hot. But she can be hot and be in porn.. Why do her looks give her the right to invade the airwaves disguised as talent?