Bret Michaels can not be killed by conventional means. He’s like Keith Richards. When you’ve bedded as many broads as these guys have, my theory is vagina starts giving you life. They need it to survive. It’s keeping them kicking. Now, Bret’s good life is about to get even better, as he’ll be hosting the 2010 Miss Universe pageant.
That means Bret’s going international in his hunt for trim — again. I wonder how many Miss Universe contestants will come away from this pageant with herpes. Or tuberculosis. Maybe he’ll even infect “Today Show” anchor Natalie Morales, who is co-hosting the big show with Bret.
Of course, knowing the Donald helped Bret land the gig: Trump owns the Miss Universe Organization. Trump’s also sipped from a lot of chalices in his time. I, too, believe he’s amassed enough puss in his time that it’s now actually giving him more years. I am telling you, 21-year-old snatch is the Fountain of Youth.
Wonder if Bret’s into ethnic chicks? If so, he’d definitely like Rima Fakih, the 24-year-old Michigan chick who is Miss USA. Damn, I would totally put babies on her face. Ropes, son — ROPES!