The Devil's Blood

What a shitnozzle! I mean, who does this? A wretched, putrid piece of fried gorilla labia, that’s who!

The Devil’s Blood are on tour as the moment with Watain and Behemoth. Now, they’re on tour with no driver. The dude jumped ship Sunday. And he didn’t leave empty-handed.

“This piece of shit who was supposed to have been our driver on the US tour ran off with our money after the San Antonio Ritual [Sunday] night,” the band writes in statement.

“After being told what to do for the thousandth time and still having no clue how to [drive] a bus, this ‘Ape,’ as he calls himself…ran off into downtown San Antonio and left us stranded in an intersection, [thereby] forcing our Tour Manager to take the wheel. This little rat scurried off so fast that attempts to find, catch, and kill it were immediately unsuccessful.”

That’s fucking amazing.

“We put this info out now so that each and every one of our contacts, friends, fans and even enemies might learn his name, spread it around, and make sure that this sorry excuse for a man never again does business with anyone.

“As for you, David, you little cunt: Rest assured that one day we will meet again. A curse upon your house until the day comes that my blade is on your throat.”

Wow. Lesson to be learned here: Do not fuck with this band. They will put hexes on you and basically threaten to pull a Burzum on you.

At the same time, if you’re considering hiring some dude named “Ape” as your driver for your upcoming tour, don’t.