Sequins are super metal, dude

Poor Zakk Wylde. Despite his best efforts, he will most likely not be on the upcoming season of ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars.” But Chris Jericho — that wrestler dude who also thinks he’s a metal superstar — will be.

That, according to TMZ, who claim to know six of the show’s 11 celebrities that will appear on the show as well as their partners. Chris Jericho — the lead singer of Fozzy, perhaps the most unlistenable tripe I’ve ever come across that claims to be metal — will be dancing with show slut and molested Teletubbie Cheryl Burke.

Who else is on the show? Fuck, man — you actually care? Well, Lil’ Romeo is partnered with the sexual Chelsie Hightower, while life support system for a pair of outrageous cans, Kendra Wilkinson, gets to dance with Louis van Amstel. The still-alive Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovski are partnered up, with Wendy Williams and Tony Dovolani and Disney star Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas paired as teams.

The official announcement will be made tonight during “The Bachelor.”

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