She thinks Lars is high

OK, that’s it — I need whatever drugs the dudes in Metallica are doing.

After actually listening to Lulu — the album Metallica made with Lou Reed that releases in November — in its entirety, I question Metallica’s judgement.

And mark my words: An Album of the Year Grammy nomination is almost definitely on the way for Metallouca, because the Grammy committee loves collaborations and A-list garbage.

Now, Lars Ulrich and Lou Reed are raving about the record, because…well, they have to.

“This [record] has so much rage it’s thrilling. I’ve waited for a long time to have a shot at doing something like this with the right people. I’m energized and jacked up,” Reed enthused. “Sometimes I find it so emotional I have to get up and turn it off.”

I know how you feel. I have to turn it off not long after putting it on too.

“I didn’t expect to be involved in a process of this magnitude,” Lars added. “I’m invigorated at how absolutely awesome the record turned out. Lou walked into the studio and about seven seconds later my head was spinning like Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist.’ It was so impulsive it’ll take me years to access what happened.”

This man is high on something. They all are. Had I been involved with this record, I would have buried it or placed it in concrete, let it dry overnight, and then, the next morning, driven out to the George Washington Bridge and dropped it into the Hudson.