Trevor Strnad’s Deadspeak: “Every Year You Ruin Christmas With This Shit!” 

Trevor Strnad's Deadspeak
Trevor Strand of the Black Dahlia Murder is back with a list you probably never would have expected this Christmas. And hey, if you are in Europe, make sure you catch Trevor and BDM on the road with Amon Amarth this May.

Don’t bother secretly slicing your presents open with an exacto knife this year; I’ll just save you all the pesky rewrapping and tell you what they are…it’s those death metal CDs you were asking for, and boy, are your parents mad.

Face it, death metal isn’t for grown ups. They are far too uptight and sensitive to handle this shit. They don’t understand our sense of humor…that the violent imagery and lyrics are all in good, fantastically-fabricated fun. They think that George “Corpsegrinder” Fischer is truly a mincer of his fallen foes, and that Glenn Benton is indeed Satan’s active mouthpiece here on planet Earth. They think that being exposed to music like this is going to result in your conversion into a full-on, street-stalking serial killer. Here is a list of six sickeningly-secular albums that cause quite a stir in the Strnad household on the birthday of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

1. Blood Duster, Yeest: Ah…Blood Duster’s Yeest. Great album (or collection, technically).  Didn’t even make it under the Christmas tree. Once my mom got a load of the cover art and track listing in the middle of the mall (she special ordered it from then-popular record store chain Sam Goody), the disc was immediately sent back and it was all over. The blown-up photo of a noseless and rotten-toothed dead face was a little bit too much for old mom…she almost threw up her Orange Julius. Featuring such feel good hits as “Knee Deep in Menstrual Blood” and “Raping the Elderly” didn’t do much for my case either. Consider Christmas foiled. 
2. Autopsy, Acts Of The Unspeakable: Woops, left my Autopsy CD on the table in the living room. Woops, dad looked inside and saw the foldout artwork of people murdering/sexually torturing each other. He more than likely also noticed a grisly nailed-open vagina lurking behind the lyric sheet. Woops, dad is doing that angry wrinkle thing with his forehead and giving me a speech about how this is appalling. Pass the egg nog. 

3. Autopsy, Shitfun: That damn Autopsy! “Now I’m all for freedom of speech Trevor, but I didn’t know they were going to be using it for this.” He states sternly while pointing to the artwork featuring a man with an 8-inch long turd hanging out of his teeth. Take that, Santa. 
4. The Ravenous, Assembled In Blasphemy: I think Killjoy and Chris Reifert would have probably given each other the knucks if they knew how fucking pissed off my mom was about Assembled In Blasphemy’s content. From the fiend feasting on a little girl’s entrails on the front (still the sickest cover Paul Booth ever did this side of Prowler In The Yard) to song titles like “Dead, Cut Up, and Ready to Fuck” and “Baptized in Dogs Blood,” I may as well have asked for a snuff porn for Christmas. It’s a good thing my mom doesn’t go on Metal Archives, or she could’ve found out that Reifert was, in fact, that two-time offending scumbag from Autopsy and been tripley angry.

5. Nunslaughter, Hell’s Unholy Fire: This was part of the same batch (and same Christmas conflict) as The Ravenous disc. The Satanic ritual image on the back of the CD featuring a girl being fucked in the middle of a pentagram was cause for some concern.
6. Cryptopsy, Whisper Supremacy: It took one look at the back of the disc by my mother to have brutish bald-headed then-singer Mike DeSalvo pegged as a skinhead. Couple that with the word “Supremacy” from the title and you have yourself a parent on Defcon 4…no fucking way. A few songs about skeletons and demons is fine but she doesn’t want you turning into a fucking Nazi. Not on Christmas day. Looking back at this band photo now, all I can do is laugh at the poorly computer-generated glowing eyes, and Flo’s Umbro soccer shirt. Nothing is more evil than Umbro, dude. Nothing.
Look mom! I’m not a serial murderer! I merely make a living preaching the word of hate that could turn other people’s kid’s into serial murderers! Phew! Now that we’re all well adjusted, Merry Christmas!

  • Matthias1

    your my hero

  • jerome michael

    mom leave olone 4a sec i want to do- my way pls….

  • Patrick

    Trevor, I think that I might love you. You need to come here to Grand Rapids with Amon Amarth, I have seen you guys but not them..

  • Uncivilgoth

    haha and my mom thought your Deflorate album art was “raunchy and appalling” you and your band fuel my fire to keep me from decking some punk ass in the face sometimes. so i think, in fact i KNOW this music is more therapeutic rather than filling our evil minds with ideas.. so take that you up tight mothers from around the globe.

  • Justin

    Well luckily my parents wont freak out like that. Hell, my mom’s even OFFERING to buy me some DM albums for the holidays

  • BOZIUM666

    FUCKING YES!!!!!!

  • Guest

    “I may as well have asked for a snuff porn for Christmas.”

    you’re amazing, which means you should start writing more often :)

  • Jimmy

    Nice to see an Australian band in the list! I’m with Patrick, I think I love Trevor too. Saw The Black Dahlia Murder play in Sydney earlier this year and haven’t stopped listening. Can’t wait until next time.

  • Criterionradiohead

    Talk about your all time ultimate parent defiance -that’s awesome. I’ve listened to a lot of different genres of music over the years, but back in the ’90s when I was still getting presents instead of a gift card (which I started asking for to avoid disappointments like you highlight in your article) I was listening to filthy ass gangsta rap. It started when I was listening to Too $hort’s album Cocktales and unbeknownst to me, my mom was sitting outside my room listening too. Something about me singing along with misogynistic lyrics like, “Tina, Tina -the sperm cleana’ ” didn’t sit so well with her. Joke was on her though… I was too young to even know what misogyny even really meant. Anyway, after that she wanted to know what the rest of those rappers were talking about… and that quickly ended any further support from my parents in my musical exploration. It’s OK though, I just asked for video games for Christmas instead.

    Excellent article, Trevor. I really enjoy your topics and look forward to more!

  • Alex Morrissey

    I wear my Autopsy shirt every other day now because Trevor has one too.

  • O-jez

    Lol I know that experience! leaving my the wretched spawn cd on the counter for all to see with a religious family. O the talkings to I got. And the loss of one of my favorite CD’s or my infernal war CD’s laying around. Rats!

  • Anonymous

    Trevor strnad, again, you Fucking Beast!

    Get in my life you, and play a gig in derbyshire, england, its the most brutal place ever

  • Kenny Goth

    everyone’s mentioning the wretched spawn. how about worm infested? my mother would have totally had a heart attack seeing that vagina monster

  • Taylor

    Try asking your mother for XXX Maniak- Harvesting The Cunt Nectar. That’s a difficult sell, I’ll tell you what.

    • Taylor

      Oh and BTW, I sell propane and propane accessories.

  • Phil

    Man you say it how it is, living in an area with barely any metalheads (beyond scene kid dicks and Linkin Park fans), I get constant flak for listening to death metal, even when I try to explain that Cannibal Corpse doesn’t actually dissect people on the regular. Keep it up man. Plus, you’re pretty much the reason why I became a vocalist

  • Philip Elmore

    You weren’t serious about that “Lord and savior Jesus Christ” thing were you?