Asking Alexandria Singer Wrote A Book

Probably...

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Anyone with even a modicum of renown can put a book out. Even the snot-nosed 21-year-old singer of a band you can’t stand.

Asking Alexandria frontman Danny Worsnop posted the first introductory pages of his upcoming autobiography, “Am I Insane?,” online yesterday, and all I can say is I am thoroughly disgusted.

I am not the best writer in the world, but I now know who the worst writer in the world is.

Here’s part of his impending tome: “My name is Danny Worsnop. I was born on September 4th, 1990 in Beverly, England. I entered this world kicking and screaming, knowing nothing of how fucking important my being alive was going to be to so many people.”

Is his being alive actually important to anyone? I challenge that statement.

“I grew up as unimportant and insignificant as most in the small village of Gilberdyke (as far north of ‘middle-of- nowhere’ as you can go whilst still being a little south of ‘you’ve- never-heard-of-it’) by my forever supportive parents Philip and Sharon along with my younger sister, Kelly.

“Now, at the age of 21, I have toured the world and sang my songs to enough people to populate a small country. I’ve overcome a cocaine addiction that should’ve killed me and alcoholism that almost did. I’ve loved, lost and loved again. In fact, I’ve fallen in love with almost as many women as I’ve fallen into bed with and we will for now, just file that under the category of ‘HOW MANY?!'”

Fucking braggart.

“So I guess I’m a rockstar, ‘Living the life you can only dream of’ as I once so eloquently put it. Danny Worsnop, the physical embodiment of sex, drugs and… What was that last part again? Rock and roll you say? Well, here’s where things get interesting. You see, I am and always will be, a rock and roller. I am and will from now until my terminal breath, be a rock and roll singer. But my music is not rock and roll, no. The band I ironically am the front and center, high and mighty, plump up my plumage and parade it around for is in every way, a heavy metal band. I am not talking Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Ronnie James Dio heavy metal. This is scream till you spit blood, hate everything, fuck the world and burn it’s mother heavy metal.

“At this point you may at this point be wondering what the hell I am doing here….”

No. I am wondering who bankrolled this fucking abortion of the English language.

You are 21, dude. My nut hairs know more than you at this point.

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About Chris Harris

Chris Harris is an internationally-published music journalist and writer whose work has appeared on the pages of Rolling Stone, IFC, Revolver, Alternative Press, and Radar. The former news editor for Noisecreep, Harris also served as co-host for the site’s weekly podcast, “Creep Show." Before that, he spent four years writing for MTV News.

  • paadoty

    hate

  • ITrapU

    Shut up Chris. Everybody has its own life. Just do your own lame writing. You don’t know what everybody else have been through. Blabbermouth loser.

    • http://twitter.com/TheRafture Cooper Allison

      “Everybody has its own life?” How dare you objectify human life! Even though Danny Worsnop is a cock-gobbling, no-talent, nipple-pincher who wouldn’t know good music if it raped him, he’s still a human being!

      • ITrapU

         Why? You don’t have an own life? So, have a life, wanker. Haha! Pathetic. Use your mind sometimes little boy.

  • Bob Saget

    Wow, alcohol and cocaine abuse almost killed you and you’re only 21?  You must be a fucking superhero.  Good thing you stopped there, now you can write a book about it and wait for everyone to shower you with compliments on your life’s accomplishments.  This is going to be a #1 bestseller.  I’ll put it on my reading list once to pick up immediately after I finish Einstein’s ‘Theory of Relativity’.

  • rICHARDvENUE

    Did he just say he is a “rock and roller”? POSER DETECTED!

  • TheTruth

    SHUT UP CHRIS, He has been through alot in his life and has learnt alot about family and trust, his is a good story to tell because its all true and his fans and people who appriciate him as a person and his music want to know his personal feelings about losing a child, dealing with a drug and alcohol addiction and stuff like that.

  • chrissuckslol

    chris i cant stand ur posts please stop

    • christhescribe

      As soon as you stop breathing

      Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4GLTE smartphone

      —– Reply message —–

  • Chris Theo

    I’m with Chris on this one.