But first, let’s talk about second chances. Second chances don’t come around often, and generally speaking — with me — they’re few and fucking far between; fool me once, go fuck yourself. But recently, I gave someone a second chance, and she, me.
Fuck if I don’t regret it now.
Why do I regret it? Because for a minute there, I thought I’d finally found my lid — again. But maybe I have no lid (see here) Maybe I’m one of those garbage cans where, the lids flown away in a hurricane, and now, there’s always just garbage sticking out of me.
A girl I was in love with in college, who basically pulled my heart outta my chest, all kalimah style, and then stomped all over it with some other guy’s combat boots. Twisted bitch fucked me up for years — damage that wasn’t remedied for years.
We reconnected; I initiated contact. She seemed thrilled to hang; we did. Ended up fooling around a bit, and now, I’m feeling like she’s just fucking crushed my calloused heart once more.
She’s been being non-responsive, so I texted her today asking what was wrong. She tells me she’s going through a lot and needs to be alone now. It’s nothing I did or said.
Fuh. King. Bull. Shit. I have used that line countless times. I know what that line means — and so, I’m removing this lame ass loser from my mental rolodex and hence, my life. This ship has sailed honey, and I have learned a valuable lesson — you can’t relive the past, because it literally fucking repeats itself. That’s not just a phrase because some old crazy dude said it. That shit’s real.
By the way, the new Cannibal record will be called Torture and be out March 13. The very cool Erik Rutan of Hate Eternal produced the LP.