Condoms Now Being Sold In Slayer Matchbook

Lame

So, today, loads of people posted stories about Slayer-themed rubbers. But don’t be fooled.

The condoms are just ordinary Durex jimmy caps (not my favorite, just from experience), unlike the Kiss condoms, which actually have Kiss imagery once you have unfurled the dirtbag.

Slayer’s “condom” is actually a matchbook the rubber is housed in.

So, it’s not like you’re going to be fucking some chick, and watching that dong disappearing and reemerging from that ass with the word “Slayer” written on your cock.

Nope. It’ll just be a normal condom in a Slayer matchbook, which will be rendered completely useless once used.

You could just go down to Planned Parenthood and get some for free, too. Or, in New York City, there’s this bar called the Double Down where you can get free condoms. I know many people who have not had children thanks to that place.

Slayer’s official Webstore is offering the condos for “when you’re going ‘South Of Heaven.’” I can not believe Slayer endorsed this shit. Seriously. New low for Slayer.

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About Chris Harris

Chris Harris is an internationally-published music journalist and writer whose work has appeared on the pages of Rolling Stone, IFC, Revolver, Alternative Press, and Radar. The former news editor for Noisecreep, Harris also served as co-host for the site’s weekly podcast, “Creep Show." Before that, he spent four years writing for MTV News.