Five Finger Death Punch Guitarist Needs Assault Weapons
Why? Because I suspect the guy’s paranoid.
Five Fisted Rectum Lunch guitarist Zoltan Bathory is attacking the “anti-gun” media and liberal Democrat politicians for their call for tougher state bans on “assault” weapons.
He says he needs these weapons for self-defense and sporting purposes. Who the fuck are you kidding, dude?
“Anti-gun advocates in the media placing all the emphasis on the word ‘ASSAULT’ for a reason. It sounds menacing to those who don’t know much about weapons, and this particular word also embodies the concepts of ‘first strike’ and ‘aggression’… and the media just loooves that,” says Zoltan, clearly an intellectual whose parents named him after the fortune telling machine in “Big.”
“The fact IS, however — a rifle is an inanimate object with no free will or intent on its own. It doesn’t plan to assault anyone… So really, this is all just playing with words…. If I called my rifle a ‘defensive rifle’ — it wouldn’t throw up the red flag — and in reality THAT’S WHAT IT IS. I have it for defensive measures so that’s what it should be called. A ‘defensive rifle.’
“The National Rifle Association and everyone in the favor of their constitutional rights should attempt to educate the masses about what those ‘scary’ misleading phrases actually mean,” says Zoltan. “The non-gun-owning public imagine fire spewing fully automatic weapons. NO. Private citizens don’t and can’t have those. Even the phrase ‘semi-automatic’ can be easily misunderstood by the general public… It doesn’t mean it’s a ‘little bit of blazing fire’ — or ‘sometimes automatic sometimes not. No — it’s one bullet per one pressing on the trigger. Just like a musket… without you having to pour gunpowder in the barrel and drop a led ball in there — the semi auto gun does it all for you — but ONE at the time… So no raining fire blaze Rambo style… NONE of that happens… even though in a case of home invasion, some of you’d probably wish it did.
“Anyway… let’s hold on to our rights to own DEFENSIVE RIFLES and DEFENSIVE PISTOLS.”
Fuck you, imbecile.