Oct 28

God Wants Black Veil Brides Frontman Andy Biersack Dead

Posted by Chris Harris on October 28, 2011 in News, Sarcasm

She also wants him dead

Remember when that graceless frontdouche from Black Veil Brides tried to leap onto some stage from a pillar that was, like, 20 feet away and ended up crushing his feeble frame, destroying his ribs and innards?

Well, now, God has tried to kill Andy Biersack once again. On stage the other night in Luxembourg, God — in his ongoing mission to undo Black Veil Brides, while making it look like a complete accident — broke Andy’s nose in half.

The band have been forced to cancel some European shows, meaning if you live in Europe, chances are you know some dude who is bumming hardcore right now, and masturbating into his own mouth as comfort.

“For those asking, during last night’s show I broke my nose down the center, splitting the bone,” Andy Tweeted, once again failing to realize that God is after him and his time is running out. “I’ll let you know more info asap. Thanks.”

The band later issued an official statement that does not address the broken nose, and simply states that all cancelled dates will be rescheduled.

Said God: “Man. I need to get rid of this band before they infect more impressionable youth with their douchebaggery. Don’t worry — I’ll get Ballsack next time.”

A beaten Whitney Cummings

Posted in News, Sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

About

Chris Harris is an internationally-published music journalist and writer whose work has appeared on the pages of Rolling Stone, IFC.com, Revolver, Alternative Press, and Radar. The former news editor for Noisecreep.com, AOL’s heavy metal blog, Harris also served as co-host for the site’s weekly podcast, “Creep Show." Harris spent four years as a reporter and on-air talent for MTV News.

  • Darthmauled

    another bitter anal gland has learned to type wow, isn’t evolution great

    • http://twitter.com/AirisRoss airis ross

      i find bvb very refreshing… their music is lyrical & inspiring in today’s world.  there is way too much hate & hostility in everyday life. why not give black veil brides a little credit for all the inspiration to young, old & in between who once remembered to live your life for who are & what you believe in –is something to revel in.  so go black veil brides and continue your great music.

  • http://twitter.com/AirisRoss airis ross

    you’re an ass—and if anyone should god strike dead it should be you.  take a good objective look in the mirror.  and what do you see–not much… you could only wish you had soooo many ppl wanting to read or look you up –your stupid & close minded bigotry.  for someone who doesn’t look “that” old in your pic you sure are one arrogant & rigid piece of work who god forbid if you live long will be an angry old man with nothing but negativity to carry you through your day.. try and have a nice day dude.

  • http://twitter.com/AirisRoss airis ross

    don’t think you are a good reporter or critic.  you’re wayyyyy tooooo close minded.  i would not look you or your articles up again.  definitely–not a anderson cooper (not even close).  lighten up dude. you may gain some fan base.

  • Pingback: BLACK VEIL BRIDES Postpones Remainder Of UK Tour – Oct. 30, 2011 – Blabbermouth.net

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