Saigon Kick’s Phil Varone Is Modest About His Cock

Saigon Kick

That’s right — modest. Last night, the reunited Saigon Kick played its first show in 18 years at Howl at the Moon at Universal CityWalk in Universal City, California. Vains of Jenna were also on the bill.

Before the show, though, Phil Varone — the Kick’s drummer — took some time to go online and plug the show…and his cock. I guess he’s proud of his cock, and that’s fine. I’m not that type of dude. I’m content with my dick…I know what I’ve got. But Phil thinks his cock is huge.

I haven’t seen it. Maybe it is. “We haven’t played together in 18 years and you’ll get an ear-drum tickling tonight,” wrote Phil. “If you don’t have my Playgirl magazine, get one tonight signed!!! Watch as the marker runs dry trying to sign my dong.”

Wow. That’s fucking class right there. Varone is hawking signed copies of his nudie mag at shows. And he makes dick jokes. What a class act. I wonder how that whole “I’m sober” thing is going. As I seem to recall, part of Phil’s whole problem was broads and fucking too many of them. Seems to me the kind of girl who’d buy a copy of Phil’s issue at a show, and has his sign it in front of her, is the kind of girl who likes to play my favorite game, “Hide the Sausage.”

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About Chris Harris

Chris Harris is an internationally-published music journalist and writer whose work has appeared on the pages of Rolling Stone, IFC, Revolver, Alternative Press, and Radar. The former news editor for Noisecreep, Harris also served as co-host for the site’s weekly podcast, “Creep Show." Before that, he spent four years writing for MTV News.