Battle Of The Band Babes: Labonte Vs. Kozowyk

Posted by Duff McKegles on August 2, 2010 in Battle of the Band Babes, Chicks, Pervoscope, Shamelessness

[Edit: Duff McKegles is Gunshyassassin.com's answer to ESPN The Magazine's Player X, insomuch as he is a former metaller who I convinced to pen a column for me during a recent show; He wishes to use an alias and I did clean up the original copy because, dude's not a writer]

Being in a band is fucking awesome. I bet it’s even better being in a band people have heard of…a band that tours and releases records through well-connected labels. Take, for example, bands like All That Remains and The Red Chord: Two bands that prove the much-held rock ethos that if you sing for a high-profile band that people fucking love, you get babes. Drummers don’t do too shabby either.

Fan adoration is like an aphrodisiac for hot babes. The best move a guy in a band can make is inviting a chick to one of his shows, and just doing his thing — letting her watch as tons of buck-wild kids sing back at them and cheer on his band between tunes. Nothing makes a girl wetter than that.

When Chris approached me about a column, I said I’d rather do something like a hot chick bracket. I hang backstage a lot because of my connections and I see a lot of hot gash wandering about. Because he could use the traffic and because we both love hot chicks, I present the first in a series of polls I’ll be conducting her at Gunshyassasin.com to find out — once and for all — which metal musician has the hottest girlfriend, or, in some cases, wife.

Yes, that’s right. WIFE!

I know it’s wrong and I’ll probably be stirring up shit but what’s life without mixing things up a bit. When I was in a band, I had a gorgeous girl. And I met her because I was on tour with my band. I never would’ve met her otherwise. So, listen band guys — I am simply hailing you for your ability to land smoking hot chicks who wouldn’t most of us [Edit: Speak for yourself, dude] a second look. And its all in good fun so don’t take offense to it.

With the Battle of the Band Babes, we will praise these women who take care of our favorite rock stars, in all their curvaceous glory, and bow down to metal’s heaviest hitters — who not only kill it on stage but kill it with the ladies, too. In short, please don’t take this the wrong way band guys — it’s not a jab or anything. We’re respectfully impressed and even envious. Most of the kids answering this poll wish they could be you for a day, if only because of the glorious specimens of female you get to hang out with and wake up next to. You lucky bastards! You’re in awesome bands and have awesome ladies. It’s the life, when you can attain it.

Now, we present for you the first match-up in our Battle of the Band Babes showdown: All That Remains’ Phil Labonte’s better, hotter half — the lovely and adorable Grace — and Red Chord frontman Guy Kozowyk’s lady fair — the sexy, not-camera-shy Juliya. Yes, Juliya is well-known for her work on Fuse, but I don’t think it’s unfair to pit Grace against a “celeb,” if i can be so kind. That’s because Grace gets added points for being one of the sweetest girls we’ve ever met…who looks that hot. Usually, girls that look like her are all mean and wouldn’t give us the time of day [Edit: See previous note]. But not Grace.

So, guys — based solely on who you would want to come home to and eat turkey legs with, tell us: Who has the hotter chick, Phil or Guy? And look for our next installment, coming soon. We’ll narrow down our choices until we get to the final two, at which point we — with your help — will decide who has the hottest girl in metal. If you have any suggestions for us, send them in because I’m fucking sure we forgot some babes.

Posted in Battle of the Band Babes, Chicks, Pervoscope, Shamelessness | Tagged all that remains, battle of the band babes, the red chord | 3 Comments