Deathwish Sign Harm Wülf

Posted by Chris Harris on May 22, 2013 in New Records, News

Who is Harm Wülf, you ask? They’re a Philadelphia hardcore outfit boasting Blacklisted’s G. Hirsch. The band’s just signed a deal with Deathwish Records. Look for Harm Wülf’s first release this summer. “From a vagabond spirit rooted within dissimilar worlds, but both yielding a dim outlook, Harm Wülf perpetuates a vagabond emotiveness; a non-complacent style Read More

Mötley Crüe Bassist’s Fiancee Talks Toys For Twats

Posted by Chris Harris on February 13, 2013 in News, Video

Yup. It’s February 13, which means tomorrow, you’re either going to be miserable to be alone, semi-miserable to be trapped, or shitting-your-pants ecstatic to be in love. Personally, I am on the shit list. I have to work tomorrow. My girl is none too thrilled. And its especially bad since tomorrow also marks our first Read More

Orchid To Release New One April 26

Posted by Chris Harris on February 12, 2013 in New Records, News

Dude. This is probably the phattest news you’ll hear all day. Unless, of course, it happens and I can finally report on the epic suck-job Kate Upton bestowed upon my Johnson. Yes, people — San Francisco-based doom rock dudes Orchid have a new album called The Mouths of Madness coming out April 26. That gloriously Read More

Korn Do Something We Can’t Make Fun Of

Posted by Chris Harris on January 23, 2013 in News, Video

Most of the time, Korn — the self-proclaimed inventors of dubstep — are pure fodder for comedic relief around these parts. But this, we can not make fun of. In fact, it was downright nice of the boys and, as much as their music may blow, we need to recognize their good deed. It seems Read More

Sevendust, Coal Chamber Tour Officially A Go

Posted by Chris Harris on January 15, 2013 in News, Tour Dates

Man, when both these bands were in their heyday, so was I. I weighed a lot less, didn’t ache anywhere, looked a lot better, had more muscle mass, drove a dope-ass car, and I was making a shit ton more cash. If these two bands co-headlining a tour means it will return me to my Read More

Converge Plotting 2013 Releases

Posted by Chris Harris on January 2, 2013 in New Records, News

It is 2013. By now, I thought we’d be driving around in flying cars and having sex with holograms and shit. But, alas, we’re dragging ass technologically speaking and it’ll be another few decades before we’re able to copulate with a digitized version of Kate Upton. Until then, we’ve always got metal, right? Converge is Read More

The Devil Wears Prada, As I Lay Dying To Tour

Posted by Chris Harris on December 11, 2012 in News, Poop, Tour Dates

You couldn’t get me to attend this if you promised the show was, in fact, a front for a Kate Upton anal gangbang. I’m serious. The Devil Wears Prada, As I Lay Dying, For Today, and The Chariot will be spreading the good word through the U.S. this February. While the trek has not been Read More

Monuments Album Release Delayed

Posted by Chris Harris on August 10, 2012 in New Records, News, Video

It’s true. That swallows an elephant’s steamy load. Monuments have been forced to push back the North American release date of their new album Gnosis, which is gno good. Now, the album will be out September 25. But don’t worry — you can hear some new stuff from the band at the end of this Read More

Orgy Postpone Last Five Dates For Unbelievable Reason

Posted by Chris Harris on March 20, 2012 in Huh?, News

I’m guessing the real reason was poor ticket sales. But of course, bands never offer genuine explanations for their strange behavior. Orgy say they have postponed the final five dates of their “Bad Blood Tour” because of the “high demand for new music” from the band. “Due to high demand for new music, Orgy must Read More

Why We Didn’t Have A Ton Of Posts Up Yesterday

Posted by Chris Harris on February 17, 2012 in News, This Blows

So yesterday, at around 4:15 p.m. on the East Coast, I was taking a leak and heard a fire alarm going off in the building where I live. This is a common occurrence since everyone cooks in the building, but I went to check it out anyways. One floor below, the alarm was chiming in Read More