Check Out This Metal Version Of The “DuckTales” Theme

That's right

I’m posting this merely for shits and giggles. And because this dude can fucking riff. When I was not yet a teen but not necessarily a kid, they had this show on called “DuckTales.” Basically, Disney’s Scrooge McDuck and Donald Duck’s three nephews would go on fucking adventures and shit. I recall there was a […]

Five Things As Brutally Heavy As Babymetal


A while ago, I threw in my 2,000 cents on the phenomenon catching the metal and j-pop world by storm: Babymetal. The response was really helpful in my seeing the truth about metal. I used to be a geeky, hair-splitting metal elitist according to the UltimateGuitar. Reading the comments section of Babymetal articles we’ve posted […]

Contest: Win A Copy Of Throne of Sacrilege’s Split With Impurium

The split's cover

Sometimes, when two bands come together, they release what we call in the industry “a split.” It is thusly called because the time allocated to each “split” release, whether it be a full-length, EP, or 7-inch, is divided — or “split” — between the two bands. Make sense? Of course it does. You’re not 3. […]

Readers’ Bands: Writhe Rip


A while back, we here at Gunshy Assassin received an email from a fellow named T.J., who plays in Vermont-based unsigned band Writhe (who don’t have any band photos — hence, the imagery from their EP). T.J. praised the site, and wanted us to check out Writhe for a possible write-up in this column. “We’ve […]

xSPONGEXCOREx? This, You’ve Gotta Hear


Maybe I’m way late on this, and if so, tell me. But today was my first day experiencing xSPONGEXCOREx. A straight-edge band based out of Troy, New York, xSPONGXCOREx takes brutal mosh-worthy breakdowns and infuses it with quotes from “Spongebob Squarepants.” Finally, something to listen to with my niece. It’s a slow news day, so […]

Nicolas Cage’s Son Releases Aural Puke

Whatever dude

That’s how I’d describe this song to people. Aural puke. It’s called “Tell Me Why (Matriarch Of Misery),” and is the new single from 23-year-old heavy metal wannabe Weston Coppola Cage, who will always be the son of actor Nicolas Cage. For as long as he lives. That’s why he looks the way he does. […]

Readers’ Bands: Rhetoric Are Pretty Insane

Brandon Delisio

I don’t know what to make of Rhetoric. I do know I kind of dig what they’re doing. It just sounds so much different than what’s going on in the scene these days I’m taken aback. Usually, Readers’ Bands are just derivative drivel. Rhetoric are comprised of members living in Massachusetts and Connecticut. The band […]

New Burger Looks Pretty Fucking Metal


Dude, so, there’s a new burger being offered in Japan that’s all black. That’s kind of metal. The bun, the cheese, and the sauce — all of it’s black. The Kuro Burger’s bun and cheese are both blackened by bamboo charcoal, and the special sauce is made from squid ink. Customers can order either the […]

Readers’ Bands: Trust That No Trust Rules

No Trust

I’ve gotta hand it to Ben Guzman. Not only is the dude in a fucking wicked awesome band called No Trust, he’s a smart fellow and a genuine reader of this site. He must be. His emailed to me carried the subject heading “Kate Upton.” You know I opened that motherfucker quick. My initial disappointment […]

Babymetal Playing New York City


I can think of a bunch of lame metal bloggers who’ll probably be there, but you wouldn’t catch me dead at a Babymetal concert. Not in New York, not in Japan. Not nowhere. Babymetal are fucking stupid, and anyone who supports them in any way is a misguided malcontent with a small brain. Or a […]