Nicolas Cage’s Son Releases Aural Puke

Whatever dude

That’s how I’d describe this song to people. Aural puke. It’s called “Tell Me Why (Matriarch Of Misery),” and is the new single from 23-year-old heavy metal wannabe Weston Coppola Cage, who will always be the son of actor Nicolas Cage. For as long as he lives. That’s why he looks the way he does. […]

Readers’ Bands: Rhetoric Are Pretty Insane

Brandon Delisio

I don’t know what to make of Rhetoric. I do know I kind of dig what they’re doing. It just sounds so much different than what’s going on in the scene these days I’m taken aback. Usually, Readers’ Bands are just derivative drivel. Rhetoric are comprised of members living in Massachusetts and Connecticut. The band […]

New Burger Looks Pretty Fucking Metal

DAMN!

Dude, so, there’s a new burger being offered in Japan that’s all black. That’s kind of metal. The bun, the cheese, and the sauce — all of it’s black. The Kuro Burger’s bun and cheese are both blackened by bamboo charcoal, and the special sauce is made from squid ink. Customers can order either the […]

Readers’ Bands: Trust That No Trust Rules

No Trust

I’ve gotta hand it to Ben Guzman. Not only is the dude in a fucking wicked awesome band called No Trust, he’s a smart fellow and a genuine reader of this site. He must be. His emailed to me carried the subject heading “Kate Upton.” You know I opened that motherfucker quick. My initial disappointment […]

Babymetal Playing New York City

Babymetal

I can think of a bunch of lame metal bloggers who’ll probably be there, but you wouldn’t catch me dead at a Babymetal concert. Not in New York, not in Japan. Not nowhere. Babymetal are fucking stupid, and anyone who supports them in any way is a misguided malcontent with a small brain. Or a […]

Dave Davidson’s Altars Of Fatness: Travail In Minneapolis

ftr

Hello fellow gormandizers! I’ve returned to deliver another helping of everyone’s favorite, least updated food blog! It’s been forever since I’ve done an entry for this thing so I wanted to review a really special restaurant, Minneapolis’ Travail. I had the pleasure of eating at Travail recently and it was quite the dining experience. They […]

Readers’ Bands: Valhalla Rising Are Rough And Raw

Valhalla Rising

This week, I decided to take some time out of my day to devote to Valhalla Rising, a London, Ontario-based four-piece that deals in straight fucking metal that’s raw and unrefined. This band could benefit from a producer, as you’ll see from the tune (a pre-production number) that follows at the end of this post. […]

Geoff Tate: Still Talkin’ Shit

Looking good, Geoff. Good-looking Geoff

I keep wondering when Geoff Tate’s going to stop talking shit about Queensrÿche and stop bragging about his legal settlement. Kind of reminds me of those dudes in high school who talked shit on dudes who were virgins and bragged constantly about crushing tang. Deep down, you knew they were fucking bullshitters who’d seen vagina […]

Here’s Exmortus Riffing The National Anthem

Exmortus

I have heard many other countries’ “theme songs,” as it were. Many are quite beautiful. Most, though, are unlistenable dreck. But none has ever come close to giving me goosebumps, which hearing the U.S. national anthem sometimes does. I didn’t get ‘em listening to Exmortus’ version of the “Star-Spangled Banner;” I was too busy banging […]

Åkerfeldt Says Opeth Is Still Metal

Mikael Åkerfeldt

Despite their most recent albums sounding nothing like the extreme metal stylings their fans had fallen in love with them for, Opeth’s Mikael Åkerfeldt insists in a new interview with this site that the band’s still part of “the metal world.” Says Mikey: “I don’t know anything else than the metal world, because that’s where […]