Ozzy Osbourne To Have Surgery

Ozzy Osbourne

Guess what, Mexico? That Ozzfiesta event you were looking forward to at the Hard Rock Hotel in Riviera Maya this May has been canceled. That’s because Ozzy Osbourne has to go under the knife. “Like you, we were very excited about the event,” the promoters said in a statement. “However, Ozzy is having surgery, scheduled […]

Black Sabbath’s Japan Show Will Be Their Last

Black Sabbath

I told you fuckers. The other day, Sharon Osbourne said that Black Sabbath’s appearance at Ozzfest Japan this fall will be the band’s “farewell” gig. Some of you questioned whether she meant that would be the band’s last show in Japan or last show ever. I insisted it would be their last show ever. I […]

Ozzy Osbourne Comic Now Available

The Ozzy comic book

I’ve often wondered what Ozzy Osbourne’s super-hero power would be, if he were ever to inspire a comic book. If the comic were to mirror his real life in any way, I’d assume Ozzy’s super-hero self would have to have regenerative powers, like Wolverine. I mean, he probably has them already. How else do you […]

Venom Frontman Bemoans Music Scene

Venom

In a new interview, Venom frontman Conrad “Cronos” Lant said that music these days is pretty piss poor, and he has little hope for the future. “It’s always amazed me why other bands want to sound like another band. You don’t get artists who say, ‘I want to paint like Picasso,’” says Cronos. “It’s finding […]

Ozzy’s Other Daughter Releases Bloody Video

Aimee Osbourne

Before today, I only kind of knew that Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne had another kid. I remember reading somewhere when “The Osbournes” first started airing that she wanted no part of the show and moved out of her parents’ home. But did I know for a fact that Sharon and Ozzy had another daughter? Not […]

Authors Of Randy Rhoads Book Win Court Ruling

The man

Reports claim that a California appeals court sided earlier this week with the authors of a book about the late Randy Rhoads, who play guitar for Ozzy Osbourne and once fucked the man’s wife, Sharon. The ruling finds that the authors did not breach a contract with Randy’s family by using materials they had agreed […]

Ozzy Osbourne Vegas Show In The Works

Ozzy Osbourne

Ozzy Osbourne’s ball and chain, Sharon, has let it slip that she’s working on a one-off concert production for the self-proclaimed Prince of Darkness, to take place in Las Vegas by Halloween 2015. She told the British newspaper The Sun: “I’m working right now on a Vegas production for Ozzy. It’ll be in time for […]

Randy Rhoads Tribute Ropes In Testament, Machine Head Members

Alex Skolnick

I was over on ThePRP before and discovered that there’s a new tribute coming out to Ozzy Osbourne’s late guitarist Randy Rhoads. The effort was masterminded by drummer Brian Tichy, who used to pound the skins for Ozzy back in the day. The album will be released by his awkwardly named record label, Tish Tone […]

Zakk Wylde Claims Ozzy’s Dick Doesn’t Work

Ozzy Osbourne

In the spirit of Christmas, here’s a detailed story about Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of Darkness, and his dysfunctional peter. According to Zakk Wylde, who appeared recently on “Loveline” with Dr. Drew Pinsky and Mike Catherwood, the leader of Black Sabbath can’t get boned up anymore. That sucks. I feel bad for Ozzy. What’s the […]

New Frog Species Named After Ozzy Osbourne

Ozzy Osbourne

This is kind of cool. Ozzy Osbourne has had a new species of frog named after him. Scientists on a month-long expedition into the Amazon discovered the new species of frog, which emits a loud, bat-like sound. Inspired by Ozzy’s famous bat-biting incident from decades ago, the team named the frog Dendropsophus ozzyi. Pedro Peloso, […]