Ozzy Osbourne’s Mansion Suffers Massive Flood Damage

Ozzy Osbourne

The manse in Buckinghamshire, England that Ozzy Osbourne calls home has been ravaged by flood waters, according to reports. It seems this has been one of the U.K.’s rainiest winters, and Ozzy’s house, located on seven acres, estate, is in one of the hardest hit areas of the country. The home now requires millions in […]

Jos. Von Weinerhaus’ Weiner Of The Week

Sharon Osbourne

And the Weiner is…Sharon Osbourne! This if Sharon’s first Weiner of the Week title, but probably not her last. The wretched cunt unfurled her feisty beef curtains at a pre-Grammys dinner thingy. Jordan Feldstein, manager of some broad named Sara Baraeilles, Maroon 5, and Robin Thicke, was involved in an altercation with Ozzy’s career-shaming manager, […]

Ozzy Says Black Sabbath Return Not To Blame For Relapse

Ozzy Osbourne

Nope. ‘Twas something different entirely that had Ozzy Osbourne running back to drugs not that long ago. I personally think living with that wench would require some heavy medication, but Sharon, it seems, is not the catalyst either. Ozzy tells Revolver magazine: “It wasn’t Black Sabbath. I’m an alcoholic. It’s my disease. If I don’t […]

Sharon’s New Book Details Near Split From Ozzy

Sharon and Ozzy

I am so fucking over the Osbournes and their bullshit. I just wish they’d fall off the fucking face of the planet already. The world would be better off. According to Blabbermouth, an excerpt from Sharon Osbourne’s new memoir show just how ugly things got between that cunt and her husband, metal legend Ozzy Osbourne, […]

Second Fire Reported At Osbourne Home

Ozzy

I’m sure it had nothing to do with this craziness, but you never know. Reports claims Los Angeles firefighters were called to the home of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne for the second time this year on Tuesday night. Apparently, whilst making a “bacon sandwich,” Ozzy sparked a fire in the home’s kitchen. Don’t these fucks […]

Now, Here’s An Email From Jack Osbourne

Jack Osbourne

So, we get emails all the time here at GunShyAssassin, and most of them go something like this: “If I ever see you, I’m gonna make you suffer.” Right. And Kate Upton swallowed my hot, goopy load last night. Others are witty and downright hilarious, from band dudes who didn’t like an opinion that was […]

Anybody Listening? A Tale Of Two Rÿches — Team Taterÿche Update: Making Love, The Geoff Tate Way

Geoff Tate

Greetings! I am Mister Tobonics and I’ll be keeping you entertained this week. As a longtime friend of Jos. von Wienerhaus (hell, I knew him before he bought his first codpiece), it will be a privilege to keep his column warm. As a huge Queensrÿche fan, I’ve followed Geoff Tate’s descent into sexually creepy alcoholic […]

Ozzy Osbourne And Wife Reportedly Reconcile

Sharon and Ozzy

According to TMZ.com, self-proclaimed Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osbourne, has moved back in with his old lady. Sharon and Ozzy were living apart, because Ozzy was back on the sauce and the drugs. But now, after convincing her that he has been drug and alcohol free for months, he’s back in her good graces. Being […]

Ozzy Osbourne Returning To London To Save Marriage

Sharon and Ozzy

The Osbournes — Sharon and her cash cow, Ozzy — are reportedly on the rocks, with the couple living in separate residences. The second you start living apart, that’s it. Take it from me, folks. When she moves out, that’s the end, because it opens the door to new chicks traipsing into your bed. Ozzy’s […]

Sharon Discusses Ozzy Osbourne’s Relapse

Sharon Osbourne

Sharon Osbourne has broken her silence over husband Ozzy Osbourne’s recent relapses. Recently, the Ozzman admitteth that, for the last year or so, he’s been back on the sauce and even using drugs. The confession came amid rampant rumors the first couple of metal was about to go the way of the Dodo. Or the […]