Trivium To Start Writing For Next LP

Trivium

Man, I knew something super shitty was going to happen this week. I just figured ISIS would somehow be involved. I do mean those terrorist fucks who kill…not the erstwhile band that killed it live. Perhaps ISIS is nevertheless somehow behind the following tidbit of doleful news: Trivium will soon start writing new songs for […]

“The Osbournes” To Return For Eight Episodes

Sharon Osbourne

Fuck me. Because there’s literally no offer Sharon Osbourne will turn down so long as the price is right, there will likely be another season of “The Osbournes” next year. The MTV reality show was a bona fide hit back in the day, but that was a long time ago. The show ended in 2005, […]

Ozzfiesta Coming To Mexico

Ozzy Osbourne

Ozzfest may be dead and buried, but Ozzfiesta is alive, well, and coming to Mexico next spring. Ozzy Osbourne and Zakk Wylde’s Black Label Society will both perform at Ozzfiesta next May as part of an all-inclusive, five-day event. Ozzfiesta runs from May 27 through May 31, 2015, at the beautiful Hard Rock Hotel, Riviera […]

Campaign Seeking Knighthood For Ozzy Gets 21,000 Signatures

Ozzy Osbourne

An online campaign calling for Ozzy Osbourne to be knighted has already notched more than 21,000 signatures, if you can believe that. A 46-year-old Australian fan named Helen Maidiotis launched the petition, saying the Black Sabbath singer deserves the honor for “his significant contribution to the music industry.” She added that he deserves to be […]

Ozzy Osbourne’s Mansion Suffers Massive Flood Damage

Ozzy Osbourne

The manse in Buckinghamshire, England that Ozzy Osbourne calls home has been ravaged by flood waters, according to reports. It seems this has been one of the U.K.’s rainiest winters, and Ozzy’s house, located on seven acres, estate, is in one of the hardest hit areas of the country. The home now requires millions in […]

Jos. Von Weinerhaus’ Weiner Of The Week

Sharon Osbourne

And the Weiner is…Sharon Osbourne! This if Sharon’s first Weiner of the Week title, but probably not her last. The wretched cunt unfurled her feisty beef curtains at a pre-Grammys dinner thingy. Jordan Feldstein, manager of some broad named Sara Baraeilles, Maroon 5, and Robin Thicke, was involved in an altercation with Ozzy’s career-shaming manager, […]

Ozzy Says Black Sabbath Return Not To Blame For Relapse

Ozzy Osbourne

Nope. ‘Twas something different entirely that had Ozzy Osbourne running back to drugs not that long ago. I personally think living with that wench would require some heavy medication, but Sharon, it seems, is not the catalyst either. Ozzy tells Revolver magazine: “It wasn’t Black Sabbath. I’m an alcoholic. It’s my disease. If I don’t […]

Sharon’s New Book Details Near Split From Ozzy

Sharon and Ozzy

I am so fucking over the Osbournes and their bullshit. I just wish they’d fall off the fucking face of the planet already. The world would be better off. According to Blabbermouth, an excerpt from Sharon Osbourne’s new memoir show just how ugly things got between that cunt and her husband, metal legend Ozzy Osbourne, […]

Second Fire Reported At Osbourne Home

Ozzy

I’m sure it had nothing to do with this craziness, but you never know. Reports claims Los Angeles firefighters were called to the home of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne for the second time this year on Tuesday night. Apparently, whilst making a “bacon sandwich,” Ozzy sparked a fire in the home’s kitchen. Don’t these fucks […]

Now, Here’s An Email From Jack Osbourne

Jack Osbourne

So, we get emails all the time here at GunShyAssassin, and most of them go something like this: “If I ever see you, I’m gonna make you suffer.” Right. And Kate Upton swallowed my hot, goopy load last night. Others are witty and downright hilarious, from band dudes who didn’t like an opinion that was […]