3 Inches Of Blood’s “Killer” Video Banned From MTV

This dude needs Advil

I happen to think 3 Inches of Blood rule. I really do. They had me pumping my fist like a Viking warlord at Mayhem, and in my personal life, I’ve dressed up like Hagar the Horrible and rocked out like it was my business. I’m a fan of the Vancouver metallers so needless to say, I’m psyched for the band’s new video for “Silent Killer,” which was allegedly banned from MTV.

Not that the channel plays videos, let alone metal videos. But that shit was banned. They probably just didn’t get it, and frankly, I’m with them. Here’s my quick summation of the new 3 Inches of Blood video, which I’m totally confused about.

The first rule of storytelling for the screen is you need conflict. For some reason, that conflict — or the cause of it — is not immediately clear. But a dude who looks like The Shield‘s Michael Chiklis stretch to six-feet is in a dope-ass car, playing with a stress ball. I think its a stress ball. He opens a suitcase in his trunk to reveal a bunch of weapons. It looks like a serial killer starter kit.

Sickly Michael Chiklis comes walking in on one of the band dudes, ad puts an axe in the back of his head. Again, we’re not sure why. He poisons another dude from the band, by slipping something in his drink while he’s putting the fucking moves on a lusciously-lipped black chick. The band dude starts yakking up baked beans all over the place and it’s gnarly to watch.

Again, conflict…but why? He creeps up on the other band members, corners one in the bathroom, and beats him senseless until he goes for the bit that’s been done millions of times — he drowns the dude in the porcelain. Then, all of a sudden, some busty ginger-pelted broad pops up out of no where and slits the throat of the last surviving band member. Why? Don’t ask me, mother fucker.

This is where I get mad confused. See, busty assassin chick then kills Michael Chiklis, and heads outside to the car we first see Chiklis in. Only, the black chick is behind the wheel and waiting for busty assassin. Then, like any good video with two chicks, the girls start making out. The end.

I am confused. I get why two chicks would want to make out, but what’s the deal with the bald guy killing the band dudes? What was his motive here? What drove him to commit such ghastly atrocities? Someone, please explain this to me like I’m in a teenaged metalcore band.

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