Our buddy Al happens to front a band with The Goat called Ipsissimus. For over a year, we’d tried to get the scribe to pen something for us. Turns out he just needed inspiration. Here now is Alejandro Chavez’s first column for Gun Shy Assassin, documenting his efforts to bulk up
Greetings. I am Alejandro and I would like to share my revelations on everything around me as I come upon them during my adventures as a vegan black metal crossfitter.
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson once wrote, “Anything worth doing, is worth doing right.” Although he may not be the originator of the phrase, he certainly lived it. I strive for the same. I come here to do one thing, and I’m going to fucking do it.
Coach Dave looks at me and says, “I want 45 seconds of work, 15 seconds rest, then move to the next station. And I mean hard fucking work. All out.” I’m breathing too hard to say anything, so I just nod like my neck is broken. 45 seconds? This is the third round, but I might be able to give it that long.
Coach screams: “Go!” And we start working again. I’ve stopped thinking about not being able to breathe, or that my legs are virtually about to give out. All I’m thinking about is jumping onto this 24″ high box in front of me, than jumping off, repeatedly, for 45 seconds, all without falling.
I can’t think of anything at this point really, at least not in words. Like most modern humans, I’ve way too many things happening in my life that eat up waking thoughts, but right now I cannot (or is it refuse perhaps?) to even name any of them right now. 20-pound medicine ball just hit me in the face? Pick it up, get my rhythm back and fucking throw it harder.
There’s a certain zone I hit sometimes during these workouts when I’ve pushed myself to my limit and I feel my body giving up. Then, somehow, I find more gas in the tank and I realize it was my mind fooling me again.
We’re all capable of more than we ever think we can. We are the architects of our downfall. But now that I’ve figured that out, I won’t let myself hold me back anymore. I can go fuck myself.
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