Alice Cooper, Keen Observer Of The Obvious

Alice Cooper

The unfortunately-named Jon Gillooly, writer for the esteemed Cherokee Tribune, had a chance recently to speak to the one and only Alice Cooper, to be henceforth referred to as “Captain Fuckin’ Obvious.”

Here’s a quote lifted from the article: “I feel sorry if I were a young band right now. I don’t know how you make any money with records. It’s just almost impossible. So I tell young bands if I were you, I would be the best live band in your state. That’s what you got to go for, because they can’t take that away from you. The recording part, though, I just don’t see how anyone can make money.”

Alice Cooper…keen observer of obvious things.

He should have that put on his business card. Or his tombstone, once he departs this mortal coil.

The best part, though, of the interview is the question’s the aforementioned unfortunately-named Gillooly asks: “You’re 63. What is the secret to surviving as a rock star for as long as you have?”

It’s questions like this that make dudes like Alice Cooper loathe doing press. Amateur hour, folks.

“It’s all on the songwriting,” says Captain Obvious. “All the bands that are still here from the ’60s had hits on the radio that were really good songs. I try to tell young bands that all the time. I go, look, your image is important, your stage production is important, but if you don’t have the songs, you don’t have anything. You have to have the cake before you can put the icing on it. And songwriting is everything. We had 14 Top 40 hits. If you don’t have those songs, I don’t know how far you can go.”

I love that Alice Cooper consults all these “young bands.” Name two. Because he does use bands, not band. So name two, dude.

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