Am I The Only Person Who Doesn’t Get Tesseract?


I went to see The Devin Townsend Project last night at New York’s Gramercy Theater, and, as usual, Devin was fucking brilliant. The thing about Devin is, he makes you laugh as you’re rocking out with comments like “I may be a nerd, but I’m no pussy.” The opening act was TesseracT, a progessive, experimental British metal band. I guess. I mean, that’s what every one is calling them — all these other metal blogs that have been sucking this band’s collective cock for months now. 

To me, they sound like a heavy version of 30 Seconds to Mars. Am I the only person who doesn’t get this band and why they’re good? I was extremely underwhelmed.

Perhaps TesseracT are sort of like The Hangover. For months, I’ve been hearing about this band and how I need to listen to them, I need to check them out, and when I noticed they were opening for Devin, I figured I’d just wait to see them live. And seriously, I just do not get why they’re so awesome. And I don’t get why The Hangover was funny. It was fucking retarded.

Yes, the music is tight and heavy as sin. Yes, the drummer was phenomenal. But what the fuck is going on with those vocals, man? They don’t fucking match the music at all. And I watched this band play for 30 minutes and it sounded like they were playing the same fucking song, over and over again. And that dude on stage was bouncing around like he was fronting fucking Prodigy, and gesturing to the crowd like fucking Mick Jagger. He was up there, springing around like a flamboyant Street Fighter character.

Someone, please explain to me why this band is good? I think it’s a conspiracy. These blogs want us to like this band for some reason, but I’m not fucking buying it guys. This band needs to get a new singer, and fucking learn some new chords. Then maybe they’ll be good. But as it stands, they suck.

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