You know her, you love her — it is Zeena Koda from Sirius XM’s Liquid Metal, here to answer your tough questions about life, love, and cheap motherfuckers. It’s Ask A Bombshell, Zeena’s regular advice column — and it’s another awesome one.
“My girl insists I answer the phone every time she calls. It’s becoming an Adam tracking device. Sometimes I can’t answer or I turn off the ringer. But no matter what reason I give her for sending her to voicemail, she assumes I’M OUT FUCKING. What should I do?” – Adam
The Bombshell says…
The underlying problem is trust. Unless she’s calling you 400 times a day with bullshit initiatives or bugging you about “What shoes she looks better in,” it’s pretty understood that when you’re in a full-fledged relationship that you should answer the phone when your partner calls.
Being friends with so many guys might have damaged me because I have watched even the sweetest bros push the voicemail line when their chica is calling and flat out, as a woman, it’s suspect. Trust is one of the most powerful things in life, whether it is between family, friends or the significant other you throw it into (or take it in for…muahaha); it is an essential part of a harmonious existence.
I recognize some people are chock-full of trust issues but as someone who has been there, I can understand why and I think sometimes people don’t understand how one or two small changes in attitude could make a world of a difference. You need to make a decision here and face this head on — be honest with her that it annoys you and if she can’t accept that you aren’t at her every call, then it’s time to peace out! If you want the relationship, you take the GOOD and the BAD: that’s just the reality.
“Hey Zeena, Do you think some people are born lucky or does it just seem that way?” – Alex
The Bombshell says…
A lot of people dismiss luck and say that “hard work” is the root of various successes, but in life I have met so many people who seem to have horseshoes shoved up their rainbow asses so far that their lucky streak never ends.
Often I have wondered if my choices in life would have changed my fate in a myriad of situations…if I would be further along by now with more luck, but at the end of the day, it is a cocktail of all these elements — what you’re born with, opportunity, hard work, perseverance, luck and the ever so important TIMING.
Subjectively, it is easy to feel like some people are much luckier than others but I’m a firm believer that there is A LOT you don’t see behind the curtain. Most people play wizard in the Oz of their daily life and for each amazing thing, there is something that is not being displayed. Trying to focus and look at life in a more “you do what you can” manner will really help you dissolve some of the contempt for people you view as “lucky” because remember, walking a mile in someone else’s shoes definitely will change your view on the reality of a situation.
“After a fun, seemingly good second date, is it OK for the guy to accept splitting the bill in half and then the woman to also put in the tip? Listen, I’m a modern woman, out of a 13-year relationship, clueless about dating but it really turned me off. I wanted to still be treated as well and this guy wants a third date but I’m still turned off about it. Your thoughts?” – Ana
The Bombshell says…
Oh, the world of modern dating can be SO fishy, especially with the absolute lack of chivalry in some men these days and the assertion that women should be “strong and pay their way,” it can become hard to know what to accept at a certain point. I was SPOILED in my first real relationship because my ex-boyfriend was ridiculously traditional and paid for anything and everything my heart could desire. However, after getting into the rest of the dating world I realized it was much more of a crap shoot than I thought — every person’s idea of standards is SO different it can be damning.
As a woman who likes to be treated like a woman, I can definitely understand why you would feel that way, especially after a few dates have come and gone and this seems to be the norm. I wouldn’t call this behavior fatal but I would see it as a tell-tale sign of what is to come…Is he not fully paying because he’s cheap? Is it because he’s not concerned with being a man and impressing you? Or, is it just the way he has always done things?
When you are newly single, you really have to take a step back and think about it because not every guy acts the same way when dating. Personally, I want a man to be a man and this would be fatal to me too BUT your best bet is to talk to him about it if you are still interested. Perhaps he works off his share in other ways…WINK, WINK. Take that next date, and tell him you can’t pay (even though you can), see what he says — his reaction will be all the indication you need.
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