Folks, let me just take a minute to thank my dear friend Zeena Koda for putting up with you. These questions you send in…honestly, I fear for all of you. Anyways, Zeena is known for her work as a DJ for Sirius XM’s Liquid Metal, and she’s also a musician. She’s in a band called Aphonia, and Zeena sounds like an angel on their latest songs. You can actually download some of the band’s songs for free right here. Why wouldn’t you. Zeena is amazing, and I am so, so glad to have her in my life, even though we’re both so busy, it’s rare we get any face time.
“Am I a sex addict? I think about sex almost constantly — sometimes at work. I download porn. I have a virtual porn wing in my apartment, with video tapes. I don’t even have a VCR anymore. I masturbate an average of three times a week. The littlest thing about a woman turns me on. Sometimes, before work, I like to eat a woman out, just so I can walk around with her musk on my lips all day. I get agitated if I don’t get sex. I can’t always tell if I love someone or if I just want the sex. I’ve had women say that I’m a different man after sex. Before it, I’m a crab apple. Afterwards, I’m jovial and ready to rock. I have to have sex before I go out. It’s always sex, sex, sex… — Chip from Houston”
The Bombshell says…
You have a real sexual CHIP on your shoulder, CHIP (couldn’t resist). But truth be told, as living creatures many of us have an insatiable sexual desire that is barely quenched by the actual act of sex. The thing about sex is, even the worst sex, is sex.
It gets our blood flowing, stimulates the depths of the mind and private parts, which generally releases killer endorphins and makes us happy. Who doesn’t want more happiness in their life? Over the past few years I’ve come to realize that sex really can become an addiction, when it governs your actions, sways your judgment and consumes your every thought, taking up valuable time that does not come back.
Never underestimate the power of pussy and I sure as hell have been the victim of dickmatization — caught in that strong arm of potential sex and dreaming about past endeavors. Problems arise when you lose grip and nothing else matters but your carnal needs and emotions that pour over with it.
Remember that most women definitely get more attached than men if there is even an inkling of feeling there, whereas in my experience, men can easily hit and quit it. Think about what the action may be doing to your partners or even your focus on what is important in life. Ponder how much money or personal progress you could be making in the time you allot for sex and sexually-centered activities and let your future proceed accordingly. I can’t hate though, I spend way too many hours a day giving into my hot man craze but at the end of the day, balancing it all is what will help you to not obsess over it constantly.
“Hey Zeena. I’m a fan of you from Sirius and found your column through Google. I need advice in the worst way. My husband works long hours, and so we sometimes, [we] go weeks without making love. Recently, a co-worker hit on me. With trepidation, I gave in, expecting to feel guilty. Instead, I was rejuvenated. My lover and I now have sex every week. When he’s home, my husband remarks on how much easier I am to get along with. He also says I look healthy and asks if I have been exercising. I would like to share the reason for my improvement with him. I think he would approve once he realizes it has led to a vast improvement in our own relationship. I don’t want to give up the benefits of the sex, but if I’m wrong, I also don’t want to risk hurting my marriage. How should I handle this? — Tina, North Carolina”
The Bombshell says…
My answer to this might be a little taboo, but it is clear you are not getting something out of your marriage that you need, so you have been led astray elsewhere. Your story isn’t a totally foreign concept to me, I have heard this story from many women I know who have been led down a similar path and oddly, in the end, for many of them it still works out alright without divulging much.
I feel a big difference between men and women with infidelity in a marriage is both MAY do it, but women generally have a more clever way of cloaking it. In this instance, if you are using this extra marital relationship purely for sexual replacement, then I can almost understand how you got to this point. However, things can’t continue on the same way from any side of the dice because either the emotional attachment will grow, driving a stake between you and your husband, or the sex will cease, leaving you to face the weight of your indiscretion AND failing marriage.
One thing is for sure — no woman can see clearly when she is getting quality dick; we become fools easily. Take a week off coital bliss with your boy toy and really look at how much your marriage means to you. Imagine your husband pulling the same treatment on you, gauge your feelings and always remember that lies ALWAYS come out in the end and when you least expect it most times. It feels like you are trying to fill the void; maybe before making any rash decisions, try speaking with your husband about it candidly and see if you can reignite the flame. If not, go for broke!
“Zeena: Aside from Liquid Metal, what Sirius channels do you listen to if any? — Julie from Atlanta”
The Bombshell says…
I recently took a road trip to Virginia for the Mayhem Festival and listened to SiriusXM the whole way down. I gotta say other than LM, I do love Lithium which is the 90’s rock channel, Hair Nation, Octane, the 80’s and 90’s decade stations, Alt Nation, Faction, Hip Hop Nation and Shade 45. The one amazing thing about satellite radio is it enables even an incidental listener to soak in the finest of the genre, and being a lover of all music it’s nice to get a quick lick of each flavor we offer.
“What’s Chris Harris really like in real life? — Angelina Jolie”
The Bombshell says…
Angelina — I want to have the quarter-Asian love babies of your sexy man piece Brad and get revenge on you for my homegirl Jennifer Aniston — you minxy whore ways bother me and you need a meal, desperately. Anyhow, when you decide to take Chris Harris up on his date offer, you will discover he is truly an interesting character. He’s a lovable asshole, who doesn’t mean to be malicious but lets the truth pour out, most times without filter. He’s a kitty lovin’ (literally and figuratively) straight talker with a heart of gold who also loves some killer music. He is slightly nutty, but then again what writer/artist/musician/East Coaster isn’t? The man loves music, pussies of all varieties and winning — that’s why we keeps it REAL and we get along!
[Edit: Amen, sister.]
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