Band Injured As Dude Goes On Stabbing Spree In Ohio Bar

Noise Auction

Why does this shit always happen in Ohio? Remember that it was back in 2004 when Dime was gunned down by some crazy fuck in Ohio — and now, some deranged asshole’s gone on a stabbing spree in an Ohio bar, and ended up shanking a dude from a false band called Noise Auction — whose MySpace is right fucking here.

Two people were killed early Monday (March 7) as a result of the attack at the VIP Lounge in Hilliard, Ohio; the band had played the club where Dimebag was murdered just days before. Not that that’s more than just a coincidence, I’m just saying. According to local news reports, 27-year-old Donald J. Schlarman of Worthington, walked out of the bar’s bathroom and “cut a bloody trail through the bar.”

According to the Hilliard Police Department, Schlarman stabbed Jeff E. Fijolek, 44, of Grove City, and his friend — Tyler Bronson, 34, of Hilliard, and both men died from their wounds. Police say Schlarman injured two other people, including the lead singer of Noise Auction, who was hurt trying to tackle the attacker; apparently, the dude was playing with his acoustic side project and not Noise Auction at the time of the incident. Still, I have to say, after listening to this band’s “music” — these dudes create some awful fucking tripe they claim is “metal.” Nope — not on my watch, pal.

 This band is “metal” like Lady GaGa’s “punk.”

Schlarman was taken down by a group of patrons, some of them hammering the crazed man with pool cues. 

”It was, honestly, a bloody, bloody mess,” a woman at the scene told ABC6/FOX28 News. She says she saw Schlarman stab Fijolek and Bronson and cut at least two other guys who tried to intervene. 

”It’s weird to be hanging out with someone and be alive. Then, they’re dead. They’re just dead. Seriously, it was horrible.”

When all was said and done, the woman says Schlarman’s face was mangled and bandaged. 

”They were trying to get control of him. They beat him until he passed out.”

And that was my favorite part of the entire article. They beat him until he passed out, because that is what he deserved. Brilliant. My thoughts go out to the family’s of the fallen — truly, they do — and I’d hate to be in that sort of situation. The guy snapped, and I’m not sure if that’s a result of living in gnargoyle country, but dude — if you live in Ohio, you need to move. Or just not go to shows.

This band needs to break up. Truly. Or change their name to Gay Disturbed.

 And if you are offended by this post, you shouldn’t be here. Still, if you feel the need to bash my shameless attempt to reel in Google News traffic, by all means, get to it in the “Comments” section below.

[Edit: So, I never do shit like this, but obviously, my words have created quite a stir. I was mostly jesting in the piece since this is a blog that has always thrown salt on the wounds because some thoughts — no matter how insensitive and evil — just can not be suppressed. But many of you have taken my words seriously, so if you were offended…well, my bad.

Now, because the commentary on this page has just deteriorated to a cluster fuck of anger and stupidity, I have suspended commenting further on this topic. Another first for Gun Shy Assassin.

Furthermore, it has come to my attention that there are conflicting reports about what happened and since I was not there, decided to cite what I consider to be a reliable news source from that area. Also, I stand by my statements about the band’s music. No, I am not a critic; we don’t even do reviews here at the site. But the simple fact is I gave the band’s tunes a listen, and I formulated an opinion, based solely on my taste.

If you still need to tell me how terrible a journalist I am or how much I suck, go and leave your comments in other posts on this site or send your hate to: [email protected]]

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