Battle Of The Band Babes: Kidman Vs. Hale

Battle of the Band Babes

I’m back and today, we’ve got a true competition on our hands.

I consider myself something of a ladies man.

Over the years, my head’s gotten stuck between the thighs of dozens upon dozens of totally smokin’ babes, and over time, and over the miles, I have come across several honest-to-goodness beauties.

Today’s competition’s between two bona fide Bettys.

First up, we’ve got Jessie, the stunning girlfriend of recent Grammy-winner Arejay Hale. She’s sort of a fixture in the L.A. scene, as she’s part of a poppy lady band that plays here a lot called Violet.

Jessie and Yosemite Sam

Try not to let that rosacea-having beast in the hoop earring detract from Jessie’s delicious skin, her inviting smile, that cute button nose. Mercy, is she fine.

I’d invent special sex moves just for her. Like, one, I don’t know what it’d be, but it would be pretty twisted, and I would call it “Short Circuit 2,” just because I could.

It would likely involve assplay, I can promise that.


So, there’s Jessie…who seems to have a bit of a perky rack, to boot. She’s super hot. But she’s pitted against a lovely from the Orient.

Meet Erika. She’s the lady love of Meshuggah’s Jens Kidman, who has been under the weather as of late. I got to see them not too long ago, but forget where that was. The shows are starting to blur together.

Erika with Jens

Erika, we know little about. But Jens, we know a great deal about. He is pretty cool, and growls like a bulldog in heat.

I wonder what sounds his Erika must make with a stud like that bringing the pain. Erika is petite, svelte, and truly eye-catching.

Either one of these ladies would likely be fun for a night or even a lifetime. But you can only vote for one. But which?

Depends on if you’re into Asian girls. I tend to gravitate towards them whenever I see a group of them at a show. I have the fever. I swear. And nothing will break it.


Except maybe a scrumptious white girl with stealth titties and her own band!

It’s a tough call, but by the end of this agonizing experiment, we should know who in metal and hard rock has the hottest girlfriend.

Notice the distinction: metal and hard rock. Just like the Grammys, which should have honored Anthrax for its years of dedication to thrash that night. What a mockery!

And you know, I would love some feedback. Are you happy this dumb column’s back or should I stop wasting my time with it?

Let me know. Harris seems to think people like it. I disagree, specifically because of the low vote counts. Only 30 of you slimes took the time to vote last week, and a porn star was one of the chicks in the running.

I’m done if no fewer than 50 of you vote for this one.

Which babe do you prefer?

  • Jessie
  • Erika

View Results

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