Bret Michaels’ Penis Strikes Again!

Tish and Miley

You may have heard that super poke-worthy pop star Miley Cyrus’ parents, Tish and Billy Ray, are getting a divorce. You probably read about it when you were at your girlfriend’s place, taking a shit, and all she reads is Us Weekly, so you read about this and you didn’t give a fuck. Well, what if I told you the couple’s breaking up because of Bret Michaels of Poison?

Apparently, when Miley and Bret worked together on a duet called “Nothing To Use” and a cover of “Every Rose Has It Thorn,” Tish learned that every night has its dawn…and Bret Michaels has a magical peen. One that can break up a marriage. Honestly, I’m surprised Tish hasn’t tried to OD yet, being married to Billy Ray for 17 years. Then again, she left Billy for Bret. I don’t consider that much of a step up, lady. You need to go young and hung…like a certain blogger I know.

Hell’s yeah I’d bang Tish. Why not? Those boobs look like they’ve held up quite well, and you know Miley’s just a blow-of-the-birthday-candles away from an insane mom-daughter three-way. I mean, whaddya say ladies? Take a ride on the baloney pony!

A rep for Bret says that “The reports of my client having an affair with Tish are completely unfounded and a complete fabrication. Bret has been a close friend of the family for some time and has worked with Miley. It’s unfortunate that the sad breakup of Billy Ray and Tish has to be further tainted with these lies being reported.”

No dude wants to be known as the guy who broke up the married couple who spawned the world’s biggest pop star, so I understand why they released this statement. You know they were fucking. That bandana is a pussy magnet, after all. Niagara Falls, ladies — Niagara Falls.

I can’t wait until Billy Ray starts fucking one of Miley’s friends like Hulk Hogan did after his marriage broke up. That’s gonna be sick.

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