Bret Michaels Releasing…The Vocalizer

Bret Michaels

That’s right ladies and germs, and ladies with germs: Bret Michaels is releasing a series of “spoken word” tracks he’s calling “The Vocalizer.”

What is “The Vocalizer?” It’s Bret Michaels’ attempt to franchise — via iTunes — what professionals like Melissa Cross provide to some of your favorite vocalists. Basically, singers and screamers often will go to a vocal coach to learn how to maintain their voices on tour. Now, with just spoken word instruction, you too can keep that voice from blowing out, thanks to Bret.

It’s described as a “series of explanations and exercises to help you expand and maintain your vocal abilities.”

It gets better. “Whether you’re a karaoke singer, public speaker, radio DJ, or rock star, there’s something in The Vocalizer for everyone.”

Everyone? Well, anyone willing to part with money easily and would trust their throats — like so many filthy pigs along the way — to Bret Michaels.

“The singing exercises are divided into four sections: Bass, Tenor, Alto, and Soprano, and range from non-pitch-specific warm-ups to interval-based singing exercises.

“If you use your voice professionally in any way, The Vocalizer puts a fun twist on what is the necessary (yet oft-avoided) task of warming up properly. Bret’s ever-charismatic personality shines through as he guides you through tales of wisdom and woe that brought him to the forefront of pop culture today. Check out Bret Michaels’ The Vocalizer and start working on a stronger, more consistent vocal performance today.”

Does Bret even really have that great a voice? I don’t remember ever thinking to myself that it was anything that remarkable. Eh, whatever.

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