Bret Not Engaged; Women By The Thousands Relieved

Bret with Behar…I wonder what STD she has now

I had a feeling that Star Magazine exclusive about Poison frontman Bret Michaels popping the question to longtime cum receptacle Kristi Lynn Gibson was bullshit. I happen to know how things work over there…hence my speculation at the report yesterday, which I first read about on Blabbermouth. Today, PopEater brings us a report that calls into question the “Star Exclusive.”

Of course, the tabloid, which paid a reported $90,000 to have that Vienna chick sell out that Bachelor dude, erroneously reported that Bret proposed on July 4 while on a break from his current tour. A “source” told Star that the brain hemorrhage Bret suffered a month or so ago woke the dude up, and made him an honest man. Well, not so, we’re finding out now.

Bret appeared on the CBS Early Show Wednesday morning, and said Kristi is still his girlfriend…of 16 years. Didn’t this guy try to find love on VH1 with a bunch of groupie trim? How can she be his girl of 16 years?

“No. We are not engaged yet,” Michaels says. “We’re a work in progress.” Dude, he can’t get engaged, or then he won’t be able to find more fotch on VH1 reality shows. The guy has a career to consider. Reports claim Kristi was spotted rocking a huge rock, but apparently, that was just a promise ring. “A friendship ring, with benefits. That’s what we call it.”

Friendship ring with benefits, huh? I like that Bret. Shit, that blood vessel popping in your brain made you funny fuck, didn’t it? Awesome.

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