This morning, when I woke up, I looked out my fourth-floor window, and gazed upon my shitty neighborhood below. Down the street, I noticed a man’s legs dangling from a car window. I was half-asleep, so it took a few seconds for it to register: If that was his car, why would he be going in through the window?
The guy pulled himself out of the car, and I could see something white in his hands. He mounted a bike, and started peddling. I slipped on my sneakers, and ran down the stairs, to the street. The guy on the bike rode passed my front door as I was exiting.
“Yo asshole,” I yelled as I started running behind him. He peered over his shoulder, and started peddling faster. I couldn’t keep up. I was winded after a quarter of a mile.
Turns out the guy smashed out the car’s window, and started sifting through the car. This happened at 11:20 a.m., in broad daylight. People suck. Especially people who fucking steal shit.
Just ask Dark Sermon, who just learned this lesson the hard way. Someone shanghaied their touring van, hours after they announced dates for a tour with Aborted.
“In the spirit of no good news going unpunished, we are troubled to inform you that we just found out that our van has been stolen. You’ve probably heard of vans being broken into, and personal items and cash being taken, but rarely ever is a band’s touring vehicle jacked from a parking lot.
“The missing vehicle is a white 2000 Dodge Ram 3500. The license tag is 839 TEF. It was last seen at US19 and Sunset in Clearwater, Florida. We leave for a 2.5 month tour a week from today, as some of you know, so this is a very dire situation. We have filed a police report, and we believe we have security camera footage of the man who took it. If you could please SHARE this post on your Facebook and spread awareness about this incident, we might be able to catch the thief and maybe even get our van back.
“Any and all posts and help are appreciated more than you know. Thank you to everyone in advance for your support.”
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