Dave Davidson’s Altars Of Fatness: Sizzle Pie In Portland

Sizzle Pie – Portland, Oregon

Welcome to the second installment of Revocation frontman Dave Davidson’s food column “Altars Of Fatness.” This time, Dave tips us to what sounds like an amazing pizza joint in Portland, Oregon — a city you should visit if only for the fact that it is home to more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the states.

Normally, when people tell me to check out their favorite pizza joint, I usually have some reservations due to the fact that a lot of pizza out there sucks. However, the owner of the pizza joint in question just happens to be the owner of Relapse Records, so I decided to trust his judgement and check it out. (Plus he was buying and you can never turn down free pizza even if it turns out to be shitty.)  

I had a good feeling the moment I walked into Sizzle Pie for a couple reasons. They were cranking Peace Sells on the stereo and they had a plethora of killer hot sauces on every table.

Pizza Smashed Face

I checked out the menu board and had a chuckle at the metal- and punk-themed slices on display. The “D-Beat” is their classic plain cheese slice while the “Pig Destroyer” came topped with pepperoni, meatballs and bacon. However, my favorite name had to be the “Slaughter of the Soil,” which was a veggie slice topped with spinach, tomato, and artichoke hearts. I was starting to get very stoked.

I ordered the “Ace of Spades,” “The Gold Ring,” and a “Red Dawn” slice to get a sampling of what they had to offer. 

I started with the “Ace of Spades” since it was just a classic pepperoni slice and very familiar territory for me. The ‘roni slice was bomb,; it had a great crust and the cheese to sauce ratio was on point so I was pumped to start chowing down on the “Red Dawn.” This was the perfect slice to satisfy anyone who loves brunch.

“Ace of Spades” and “Red Dawn”

It was topped with spicy pulled pork, mozzarella, cilantro and scrambled eggs. My mouth actually started watering while I typed that out.

Finally, I finished off the meal with “The Gold Ring” which was garnished with white truffle oil, green onion and creamy goat cheese. White truffle oil can definitely be a strong flavor but it thankfully was used in moderation so that it didn’t overpower the whole slice.

“The Gold Ring”

The green onion added a nice touch of freshness and worked well with the tanginess of the goat cheese.

Upon completing my final slice the apprehensive voice of my inner pizza snob had vanished. I knew now that a pizza oasis existed in Oregon and it’s name is Sizzle Pie. 


To check out Dave’s pre-GSA work, head here and chow down on his prose.

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