Get ready to wince, fellas.
The bassist for Dutch symphonic metal band Delain, Otto Schimmelpenninck, has recounted how one of his testicles exploded after being he was shot in the baby-maker by a “streamer cannon” last week during a gig in Birmingham.
He might end up losing the ball altogether.
Here’s what he had to say about it:
“After what can be described as one of the most unpleasant adventures I’ve ever had to endure, we’re back home again from the UK. As a lot of people are asking about my injuries and lots of friends know what happened already, I figured it would be best to share with you all. before all kinds of versions of this story start to circulate. Spoiler alert: you might want to read this another time if you were planning on having sex within the hour or so.
“As some of you know, we use ‘streamer canons’, which shoot silver streamers into the audience, usually during The Gathering. We’ve been using this for ages without any problems at all, but in Birmingham things went wrong.
“Since we were with 6 on stage instead of 5, there wasn’t really a standard position on stage. Normally, Charlotte would be stage center, Timo at the singing mic, I at the other side. Having Merel on stage with us meant everyone just had to pay attention at the moment the streamers would shoot. In my enthusiasm I did not pay attention, and happened to be VERY close when the streamer fired. It hit me from the back, in my genitals. Although pain was pretty bad right away, I was merely pissed off at myself for not paying attention. During the next song, pain got worse though, and I had the feeling I was bleeding. Pretty soon pain got to the point where I could barely stay conscious anymore, but for some reason I did manage to finish the show and even squeeze out some grunts!
“After the show the damage was more obvious: my scrotum was the size of a big grapefruit and I was in a lot (yeah, really a lot) of pain. I was taken to the nearest hospital where after hours and hours of waiting, I was finally operated around 8:30 in the morning. It appeared here my left testicle had been ruptured as well as some arteries. More than 500 ml of blood was removed from my scrotum and my testicle stitched up. I stayed in hospital for the rest of day and night, and was discharged on Friday afternoon. From there I took the plane to Glasgow where I was reunited with my girlfriend and the Delain family. Fortunately we had had a very comfortable nightliner and top-notch driver, so I could travel quite comfortably and get some rest until we got home.
“I was very close to losing my left testicle, but chances are good it will be fine. It will take about 6 weeks until I can find out though, when I have an ultrasound scan. It will also be a while before I am without the very uncomfortable pain I am in now, but sadly, it’s just the way it is for now. I should be ok well in time for the European tour with Sabaton though.
“Again, thank so much for all your get well wishes, support and kind messages, it means a lot to me!”
My nuts just switched sacks on their own. Not sure how that happened.
But damn…I’m sorry, dude. I can’t even imagine how painful that must have been.
More painful than listening to the new In This Moment disc, I imagine. Or maybe not.
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