Five Finger Death Punch Have Title For Next Opus

Guitarist Jason Hook confirms tragic news that the band is still active

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Admittedly, yesterday was a tough day for me. It wasn’t easy revealing to you all that I was basically giving up — that I was killing something I started years ago, something most of you enjoyed.

Over the last 24 hours, I have heard from many of you — either through Facebook, via email, or by phone — and your words of encouragement and understanding have helped to soften this self-inflicted blow.

As predicted, some of the bored and irrelevant celebrated my decision. Inane dick bags took to Twitter, and have been rejoicing over the site’s death like the folks in the Middle East who danced in the streets when the Twin Towers came down.

Fuck ‘em. They don’t matter.

Speaking of another tragedy, Five Finger Death Punch continue as a band.

I have something of a history with this band, and am of the opinion that the group’s members and most if not all of their goon fans should be forced to go and colonize on the moon.

Unfortunately, Fiber Flavored Fart Munch has been working on a new album since the end of last year, and according to guitarist Jason Hook, a title has already been picked out for the band’s next one.

He told Eric Blair at NAMM the name will be kept a secret for now. The band most recently released a pile of tripe called The Wrong Side of Heaven and The Righteous Side of Hell in 2013.

Hook also proved for Blair that the dudes in Jive Turkey Jizz Sponge are hilarious. Like, knee-slappin’ funny.

“I have all these funny things I’m dying to say right now, but I’m not gonna say anything,” Hook said, when pressed for the album’s name. “‘Cause we’ve always thought about good joke titles, like Five Finger Death Punch Keep Your Receipt. No… [Or] Not Our Best Work. No… I can’t tell you the title.”

They should call it The Joke’s On You. The fact that these guys have made it and so many talented bands haven’t bothers me to my core.

Anyways, thanks again for the kind words, people. And to those asking about GunShy shirts, you can still purchase one here through May. After that, it’s doubtful.

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