Hey people. It’s you’re good buddy Chris here, sitting on his couch at 1:47 in the morning, pounding away at his keyboard because he’s not pounding away on the box. I’m intoxicated. It doesn’t happen often, since I only drink from time to time, but as I write this, I am shit hammered.
Of course, I know this has nothing to do with God Forbid, but hey — there are no rules when Uncle Chris is on a tear and just needs to vent. I need to vent, folks. Fucking bear with my ass.
So, I’m sitting here, listening to my idol Howard Stern, and I’m drunk. I’m not ashamed to admit it; this is the first time I can say I’m drunk in fucking years, and I don’t care. Yes, it will feel shitty tomorrow when my ass awakes, but fuck it — it’s been years since I’ve experienced a hangover, and really, it’s my own fault. I drank this beer that was like 8-percent alcohol by volume. The T-shirt I wear says “I’m always with stupid” and the arrow points up.
Tonight, I was at a beer garden in Hoboken with an attractive young lady friend who I fucking adore, and will be moving soon. I first met her about three months ago, when I had just been dumped by this chick who just literally called me the other night when I couldn’t answer my phone (I was at a meeting), and now won’t tell me why she called. I was immediately attracted to her, as most dudes who don’t choke on shaft are.
The first night we hung out, we had a blast. It ended with a trip to my place, preceded by one cautionary warning: “No sex.” The two words I hate hearing the most. I was “in the friends zone,” with no wiggle room to wear the girl down — a classic Harris move.
I told her tonight it’s hard to be friends with her, and it is. She’s fucking adorable. I guarantee you that if you spent four hours with her, you’d fall in love. I may regret this post later, but that’s never stopped me before.
She is fucking rad. Beyond rad, actually. Any dude who gets to be with her is lucky beyond what they’ll ever be able to comprehend, because they’re likely the kinds of dudes who get hot chicks like her all the time. She’s gorgeous, with amazing legs, and I know if she’d actually give me a chance, I’d shock her. But I’m not here to boast.
I’m here to say that sometimes, friendships are hard, because you start things off with different intentions. I met this girl through a friend, and after the first night I spent hanging with her, I told myself “Dude, that girl’s a keeper.” And she is. Any dude who’d be dumb enough to let her slip away should just blow his head off. It’s never going to get better.
This girl is so chill, that should be her name. Chill. Her middle name would be Dope. As in “That girl’s body is fucking dope.” She’s rad as fuck but I’m told there was no spark, meaning I’ll never be more than her friend. I am simultaneously heartbroken and fine with that, seeing as I have been talking to an awesome chick as of late. I’m glad for this girl’s friendship, but it’s hard not to want more. Not to want one chance to show her what it would and could be like. I smell like cigarettes right now.
So, yeah — God Forbid are giving away a demo version of “Where We Come From,” a brand new song from the band’s forthcoming Victory Records debut. The song is part of a Labor Day digital sampler you can get here, and also features Pathology, Carnifex, Blackguard, Otep, Dr. Acula, and, ironically, Ill Nino.
I’m probably gonna regret this post tomorrow. Whatever. She knows the deal. She always knows the deal.
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