It’s on like King Kong’s dong.
Last week, we brought you five entries from five of our readers. All five are gunning for a chance to become a regular contributor to Gun Shy Assassin, and now, need your votes to make that dream of a halftime a reality.
And yes, I meant halftime, asshole.
Today, we’ll take a look back at all five contributions, and provide something of a refresher before voting begins on Facebook. You can also vote in the comments section below. Additionally, Facebook “likes” and commentary for the original posts will be factored into the final decision, which ultimately rests with the motherfucker who got this bitch started…me.
So, here’s what happened last week.
Monday, we met Contestant #1, who is Sean Harris (no relation). Well-written, you could tell from reading it that Sean’s a genuine fan of the heavy stuff and would likely make a nice addition to the site.
Of seeing Lamb of God open for Metallica, Sean writes, “I was so naive. This stupid ‘screamo band’ from Richmond motherfucking Virginia blew the metal giants off the stage. I subsequently went out the next day and purchased the next two albums that would alter the course of my time on this earth. Ashes of the Wake. Sacrament.”
Contestant #2 was revealed to be Xander Turner on Tuesday. Xander’s been reading the site since waaaaaaay back in the day, and became one of our Facebook site’s first regular commenters. The kid digs aural brutality, and would also be a welcome addition to GSA.
Of Devin Townsend’s Deconstruction, Xander writes, “The schizophrenia of all of the songs is fantastic, and it really goes to show that Devin’s musical genius and madness weren’t lessened by his sobriety. The 16-minute epic ‘The Mighty Masturbator’ truly demonstrates that you can do anything musically and still make it metal. Hell, Devin even threw electronica in there and it totally worked.”
Contestant #3 is Raf Gallaher, who, in his post Wednesday, even included imagery as an added bonus. Witty, informed, and written in a rather memorable voice, Raf proved himself GSA material right away.
In his musings on the almighty Slayer, Raf deadpanned, “When you draw a pentagram in Microsoft Paint, look into the mirror-like glare of your computer screen, and say ‘Bloody Kerry’ three times; nothing happens.”
Contestant #4 is Bill Feeley; his post Thursday was entertaining and relatable, written articulately and with the kind of music fandom a contributor to the site would certainly need to possess.
Feeley waxed poetic about All Else Failed’s classic Archetype, saying it was “the album I had always wanted to hear, one that never gets old, never gets weak or archaic — there are so few albums of this caliber of intensity and emotion that none can compare. Everything about this album is perfect — the lyrics, the creepy, ominous tone, the scream. It’s got this vibe of true horror and eerie acceptance of fate. Just listen to the classic ‘Did You Think of Me?’ if that doesn’t give you energy, you’re probably lame or dead and don’t know it.”
We capped off the week with Contestant #5, Andy Boyle. His post on Friday displayed a keen grasp of the GSA style, and showed even Andy could shine if given a chance to write for the site.
Boyle wrote about his introduction to the Cowboys From Hell: “Once I heard [Pantera’s Vulgar Display of Power], I realized that was what was missing from my life. It was heavy. It was pissed off (and so was I). And it grooved. In that moment when I first heard that album, I not only became a Pantera fan, I was readying myself for a whole new realm of extreme metal that was out there for me.”
There you have it: Five pieces from five readers. Your votes will ultimately help determine who’s byline appears again on Gun Shy Assassin. So vote. Either below, in the comments section, or over on Facebook, where I am sure the debate will rage all week. The winner will be announced Friday.
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