Jos von. Wienerhaus’ Wiener Of The Week

Zakk WyldeZakk Wylde

Zakk Wylde

And the Wiener is…

Zakk Wylde! I went to Blabbermouth to comb through the week’s news to find my Wiener of the Week and was fortunate that all I had to do was look at the first headline. Zakk and his stinkbeard went on to proclaim that Black Sabbath with Ronnie James Dio is not Black Sabbath. Here’s the full quote:

“You listen to Black Sabbath with Ronnie James Dio in it, and it’s not Black Sabbath. They should have just called it Heaven and Hell right from the beginning. Because you listen to that Heaven and Hell album, that doesn’t sound anything close to Black Sabbath. I mean, that sounds about as much like Black Sabbath as Blizzard of Ozz sounds like Black Sabbath. If you were to play Black Sabbath for me — and I’m a huge Sabbath freako — and then with Father Dio over there, I’d be going, ‘Oh, cool, what band is this? This is good stuff.’ I mean, the songs don’t even sound Black Sabbath-y. I mean, ‘Neon Knights,’ could you picture Ozzy singing over that song?”

Well, Black Sabbath has always been Tony Iommi more than anything. Saying that Heaven and Hell doesn’t sound like Black Sabbath is ludicrous when you think about the last two albums the band made in the ‘70s. It’s called evolution, Zakk. Yeah, we know you don’t know a god damn thing about that considering you’ve written the same shitty biker metal songs over and over again, just dumbing them down each time and seemingly utilizing the wah pedal on your voice more than your guitar.

Let’s go beyond Heaven and Hell and take a look at “The Mob Rules.” How about “Sign of the Southern Cross?” Sounds pretty fucking Sabbath-y to me, Mr. Cool Edgy Misspelled Stage Name. Let’s make a deal — we can all have the Dio Sabbath albums and you can be stuck listening to Technical Ecstasy and Never Say Die. It’s pretty hard to say Dehumanizer isn’t more Sabbath-y than anything on those two fucking Frisbees.

Shit, let’s not forget about how killer some of those Tony Martin-era albums are like The Headless Cross and Tyr. 100-percent worthy of the Black Sabbath moniker.

How bad does Zakk miss playing with Ozzy? I bet he’s had his tongue so far up Sharon’s butthole that he licked her colon cancer clean.

I don’t even need to say much else. Zakk Wylde’s quote truly speaks for itself. That’s why you, Zakk Wylde, are the Wiener of the Week.

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