Lady Gaga’s Album Cover Confirms Her Metal Cred?

A slutty hog

This was basically a headline over on Metal Insider today, and I must say…I had the exact same thought when I first saw the cover for Lady GaGa’s new album, Born This Way; full disclosure, I was at a job today, on a computer all day, so when I noticed it was a Google trend, I had to see what all the hoopla — or in this case, poopla — was about.

And that’s the picture. It’s Lady GagGag…as a slutty motorcycle. And let me tell you folks — you haven’t had sex until you’ve had some lusty motorcycle sex! Although afterwards, the dong looks like it was left on a fire too long. Anyways, but this album cover — and the font — sort of confirms the “Lady GaGa Likes Metal” theory that’s been floating around for some time. She has — after all — taken photos with everyone from Tommy Lee to Biff from Saxon.

But then I came to my fucking senses. Lady GaGa may have listened to fucking Kiss and Winger during the 1980s, but she’s not a true metal fan. She’s a Jenny-come-lately who likes a period of musical time, and that’s reflected in her substandard pop music: the 1980s. I happen to have penned one of the first Lady GaGa stories MTV News ever ran, so, I know a bit about this.

The Insider also cites this weekend as proof — she was at an Iron Maiden show. Big fucking whoop! I know A LOT of people who have seen Iron Maiden live because they are “in the industry,” who I would never, ever dare insult the genre of metal by even suggesting they’re into grimness. My girl Dee, comes to mind. She is light and sunny, and a super cool chick…who happens to hate metal.

Look, Lady GaGa — if she does listen to metal — hasn’t listened to anything that’s come out since the 1980s…not anything any of us would consider truly metal anyways. Her metal standing doesn’t go beyond the same household names that even my parents would be familiar with.

You think she knows Pig Destroyer? Watain? Dissection? Hate Eternal? OPETH??? Carcass? The Black Dahlia Murder? Fucking Autopsy? Maybe she knows Lamb of God because she didn’t vote for them when Grammy time came along, and Dillinger Escape Plan because hipsters are into them too, but she’s probably never listened to a note of their fucking music.

Lady GaGa is no metal fan — she does not belong in this club, people. Metal, for her, is fashion; its a fucking purposely-faded Judas Priest shirt. She has no metal credibility…just a cursory knowledge of ‘80s metal and old dudes who have kids who’re fans of her shitty, shitty songs.

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