Well…at least it’s not jail. Probation’s like fake punishment. But fucking jail…that’s no joke.
I do not want to end up in any sort of facility where dudes who are bigger than me may want to violate my virgin rectum and no one would respond to my whimpers for help.
I’m sure Jef Whitehead — known to metal fans as Wrest, the man behind black-metal solo projects Leviathan and Lurker of Chalice as well as a member of Chrome Waves and Twilight — is glad he isn’t going to the slammer.
Wrest, who was facing charges related to his arrest for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, was found guilty of aggravated domestic battery — and Cook County Judge James Linn sentenced him to two years probation.
He had been facing a 34-count indictment, though the state ended up dropping 28 of those charges before the bench trial in April.
He was tried on four counts of aggravated criminal sexual assault, one count of unlawful restraint, and one count of aggravated domestic battery; he was found not guilty on all but the aggravated domestic battery charge.
Court documents describe the incident resulting in that charge as the strangulation of his girlfriend. Dude. I have said it before and will say it again: Take a break with the chicks, dude. You need to be alone for a while.
Whitehead could have served three to seven years for the one charge of which he was convicted; that’s certainly a serious sentence, but nothing compared to what the initial charges could’ve brought.
“The minimum mandatory sentence is enough that a man of Jef’s age would have died in prison,” Whitehead’s defense attorney, Joel A. Brodsky, tells the Chicago Reader — a fine publication I am very familiar with.
Like Sandusky, Whitehead did not testify during the trial. But unlike Sandusky, the phrase “rhythmic slapping” never came up during Jef’s trial.
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