Little Ozzy: Still Lame, But Now Has An Official Booker

Little Ozzy

That’s right, folks.

There is nothing creative about what Little Ozzy — born Lin Doak — does. He fancies himself an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator, but sounds and looks nothing like Ozzy. If anything, he looks like Carney Wilson. The big chick from Wilson Phillips.

It’s sad.

Doak, who stands 4 feet 8 inches short, “has been catapulted into the spotlight with his appearance on the hit show America’s Got Talent, when he sang the hit song ‘Mama I’m Coming Home’ for the one and only Sharon Osbourne,” reads the most unprofessional press release I have ever received.

The press release says Little Ozzy has signed an exclusive booking agreement with Dungeon Promotions. Its a slow news day, fuckers. Don’t judge.

“I am very excited to be signing with Dungeon Promotions,” says Little Ozzy. “Her testimonials had me from the start! As soon as I started talking to Bonnie, I knew I had found a diamond in the rough! Her excitement and creativity in her expertise as well as her credentials, has the entire band very excited.”

The release further claims Little Ozzy “was personally invited by Gwar to headline their annual Gwar-BQ.”

Didn’t Gwar headline that show? I didn’t think it was Little Ozzy. In fact, I don’t even remember seeing his name in the press announcements for Gwar-BQ.

Weak fucking sauce. This guy’s a loser.

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