Lordi: Gwar Lite Returning in September With New LP


There are some things that I will just never understand: Women, the dewey decimal system, cricket, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, and Lordi. Actually, let me expand on that: Lordi, their fans, their music, and why anyone in the world would pay their hard-earned cash on a bunch of dudes dressed up like space creatures. Similarly, I have never understood Gwar’s appeal, but will say that Gwar — at least — are better musicians, and that still isn’t saying a ton.

The other day, the Finnish metal gimmick released images of their new masks. I guess, like Slipknot, they get new masks with every album. Their new one, Babez For Breakfast, is due in stores on September 14. I couldn’t give two shits about this band. They are a fucking gimmick. They were discovered on a reality TV show. They absolutely suck.

Lordi has also released an iPhone game called “Lordi The Game.” Man, this has to be awesome. Do you get to stretch your rectum in the game? No. According to Blabbermouth, in “Lordi The Game,” the player takes the role of Mr. Lordi, who has to banish the undead from the underworld. The player plays to the beat of Lordi’s songs. The milieu of the game varies from a cemetery to a flight crash area. At each level of the game, monsters are seen in a different look.”

Dude, this band bores the shit out of me. Can anyone provide a valid argument for why Lordi are worth the sperm and eggs expended to create them?

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