Now, Let’s Judge The Nominees For The Revolver Golden God Awards

The host

It’s that time of year again. The annual Revolver Golden Gods Awards — the Screen Actor’s Guild Awards of music — has once again happening, because Revolver’s got ads to sell.

This year’s awards once again go down in Los Angeles at Club Nokia. It’s set for May 2 with pro wrestler, ice skater, and Fozzy frontman Chris Jericho hosting.

I’d be a much better host. I’d be like the Chris Rock of music.


Metallica will headline the fucker, with Dillinger Escape Plan, Stone Sour, Anthrax, Halstorm and Five Fisted Asshole Punch also performing for the audience.

Rob Zombie will accept this years Golden God Award while Metallica will be honored with the The Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award.

Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi will wake away with the “The Riff Lord Award.” Fitting, as he wrote every riff.

Now, onto the nominees.

You can vote for them here.

BEST GUITARIST
John 5
Stephen Carpenter of the Deftones

Rush’s Alex Lifeson
Periphery’s Misha Mansoor

Brendon Small of Dethklok

Kim Thayil of Soundgarden

Uhm, OK. There’s about 192 other dudes I would have put on that list before John fucking 5. Like, I don’t know, Devin Townsend? Who would you have nominated?

BEST DRUMMER

Abe Cunningham of Deftones

Mario Duplantier of Gojira

Halestorm’s Arejay Hale

Gene Hoglan
Stone Sour’s Roy Mayorga

Neil Peart of Rush

Mario will win, but Gene Hoglan should. Abe’s drumming was choice, but not worthy of best drummer.

PAUL GRAY BEST BASSIST

Rex Brown of Kill Devil Hill

Steve Harris
Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead

Geddy Lee

Jason Newsted
Sergio Vega of Deftones

Lemmy or Steve win, I’m cool with that.

BEST VOCALIST

Phil Anselmo
Maria Brink of In This Moment

Chris Cornell of Soundgarden

Lzzy Hale of Halestorm

Chino Moreno of Deftones

Corey Taylor

What? Really? I guess they mean straight vocals, because otherwise, this misses the mark on many levels. Chino should win, but Phil probably will.

BEST NEW TALENT

Device

Ghost

Kvelertak

Miss May I
Of Mice & Men

Young Guns

We haven’t even heard Device, Ghost was new two years ago and the same is true for Kvelertak. The rest of these bands I could give a fuck about. Ghost will win it. Others should have been considered for this category. Who would you have given the nod to?

Here is the rest of the categories and nominees, because it’s making me too mad.

MOST METAL ATHLETE
Tom Crabtree (Green Bay Packers, NFL)

Tanner Faust (Rally and drifting car racing)

Clay Guida (Mixed Martial Arts fighting, UFC)

Triple H (WWE wrestling)

Geoff Rowley (Skateboarding)

CJ Wilson (Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, MLB)

BEST LIVE BAND

Anthrax

Five Finger Death Punch

Hatebreed

Lamb of God

Slipknot

Volbeat

COMEBACK OF THE YEAR

Aerosmith

The Darkness

Quicksand

Refused

Soundgarden

Tenacious D

SONG OF THE YEAR

Asking Alexandria, “Run Free”

Avenged Sevenfold, “Carry On”

Black Veil Brides, “In The End”

Dethklok, “I Ejaculate Fire”

Halestorm, “Love Bites (So Do I)”

In This Moment, “Blood”

MOST DEDICATED FANS
Black Label Society

Black Veil Brides

A Day To Remember

HIM

Rammstein

Slipknot

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Deftones, Koi No Yokan
Gojira, L’Enfant Sauvage

Halestorm, The Strange Case of…

Marilyn Manson, Born Villain

Soundgarden, King Animal
Stone Sour, House of Gold & Bones Part 1

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