It’s that time of year again. The annual Revolver Golden Gods Awards — the Screen Actor’s Guild Awards of music — has once again happening, because Revolver’s got ads to sell.
This year’s awards once again go down in Los Angeles at Club Nokia. It’s set for May 2 with pro wrestler, ice skater, and Fozzy frontman Chris Jericho hosting.
I’d be a much better host. I’d be like the Chris Rock of music.
Metallica will headline the fucker, with Dillinger Escape Plan, Stone Sour, Anthrax, Halstorm and Five Fisted Asshole Punch also performing for the audience.
Rob Zombie will accept this years Golden God Award while Metallica will be honored with the The Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award.
Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi will wake away with the “The Riff Lord Award.” Fitting, as he wrote every riff.
Now, onto the nominees.
You can vote for them here.
Stephen Carpenter of the Deftones
Rush’s Alex Lifeson
Periphery’s Misha Mansoor
Brendon Small of Dethklok
Kim Thayil of Soundgarden
Uhm, OK. There’s about 192 other dudes I would have put on that list before John fucking 5. Like, I don’t know, Devin Townsend? Who would you have nominated?
Abe Cunningham of Deftones
Mario Duplantier of Gojira
Halestorm’s Arejay Hale
Stone Sour’s Roy Mayorga
Neil Peart of Rush
Mario will win, but Gene Hoglan should. Abe’s drumming was choice, but not worthy of best drummer.
PAUL GRAY BEST BASSIST
Rex Brown of Kill Devil Hill
Lemmy Kilmister of Motörhead
Sergio Vega of Deftones
Lemmy or Steve win, I’m cool with that.
Maria Brink of In This Moment
Chris Cornell of Soundgarden
Lzzy Hale of Halestorm
Chino Moreno of Deftones
What? Really? I guess they mean straight vocals, because otherwise, this misses the mark on many levels. Chino should win, but Phil probably will.
BEST NEW TALENT
Miss May I
Of Mice & Men
We haven’t even heard Device, Ghost was new two years ago and the same is true for Kvelertak. The rest of these bands I could give a fuck about. Ghost will win it. Others should have been considered for this category. Who would you have given the nod to?
Here is the rest of the categories and nominees, because it’s making me too mad.
MOST METAL ATHLETE
Tom Crabtree (Green Bay Packers, NFL)
Tanner Faust (Rally and drifting car racing)
Clay Guida (Mixed Martial Arts fighting, UFC)
Triple H (WWE wrestling)
Geoff Rowley (Skateboarding)
CJ Wilson (Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, MLB)
BEST LIVE BAND
Five Finger Death Punch
Lamb of God
COMEBACK OF THE YEAR
SONG OF THE YEAR
Asking Alexandria, “Run Free”
Avenged Sevenfold, “Carry On”
Black Veil Brides, “In The End”
Dethklok, “I Ejaculate Fire”
Halestorm, “Love Bites (So Do I)”
In This Moment, “Blood”
MOST DEDICATED FANS
Black Label Society
Black Veil Brides
A Day To Remember
ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Deftones, Koi No Yokan
Gojira, L’Enfant Sauvage
Halestorm, The Strange Case of…
Marilyn Manson, Born Villain
Soundgarden, King Animal
Stone Sour, House of Gold & Bones Part 1
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