Online Dating: Not For Metal Lovers

Most chicks react this way

Regular readers of this blog know that for one to say I’ve had lady problems over the years would be a grand understatement. Sort of like calling Kofi Annan a “bad egg.”

Women confuse me, and I guess I get super excited — perhaps even over eager — when I meet chicks and lose my cool. Shit sucks.

At the suggestion of several friends and caring readers, I decided the other night that going to shows and bars to find ass is not working out for me. So I am going to give online dating another try.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I started looking for my queen online over at that fucking OKCupid site.

The site, I am told, is the new place to meet chicks online, and whatever…it’s pathetic, but no one said I was perfect.

The site gives you the option to search potential dates by keywords, which is nice.

So I typed “metal” into the OKCupid search engine, and pressed enter, hoping to meet a chick into Watain or at the very least, welding. But no.

Fellas, let me just tell you — the deck is stacked against us metalheads when it comes to online dating.

The results that “metal” returned were basically the same: cheesy chicks with cheesy profiles who clearly dig Children of Bodom way too much, and girls who will listen to anything BUT metal.

Most of the girls the site suggested were the latter.

Anyone else ever come across this problem in trying to score pussy online? I think GSA needs to start a dating site, just for people who know who Dark Funeral are.

You’d need to answer a series of questions before even being able to sign up. Like, “One a scale of 1 to 11, how metal are Overcast?”

If you don’t meet certain criteria, you’re done.

I don’t know. I am finding this shit frustrating…OKCupid’s full of broads who don’t like Opeth. This is quite a quandary.

Am I honest, and proclaim my love for metal on my profile, potentially wooing chicks I wouldn’t fuck with your dick and your dad’s ass pushing, and risk alienating chicks I would plow, or do I keep it to myself, and spring it on ‘em once they’ve fallen for me.

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