Ozzy Osbourne Descended From Neanderthals?

Ozzy Osbourne

That headline is not a joke. There is a report out today claiming researchers studying Ozzy Osbourne’s DNA claim the self-proclaimed Prince of Darkness is the descendant of a Neanderthal man.

No shit. I mean, I can see that. Neanderthals were extremely prevalent throughout Europe and the dude did once chomp the head straight off a dove’s neck. But holy shit! Ozzy’s a fucking caveman.

The research also shows that Oz is a distant relative of outlaw Jesse James, the last Russian czar Nicholas II and King George I. The man also shares some genes with the ancient Romans, who were killed in Pompeii when Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79 AD.

Of course, Ozzy responded to the news with humor. He said his Neanderthal heritage would not come “as much of a surprise” to his wife and manager, Sharon, or to police departments across the globe. Scientists made the discovery by taking a sample of the singer’s blood at his home in Buckinghamshire, which was then analyzed in New Jersey.

In addition, the researchers also examined the gene the body uses to break down alcohol and discovered an “unusual variant” which could have helped Osbourne survive during the years when he drank up to four bottles of Cognac a day.

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